10 Ways to Shower if You Live in a Van

"Cold Shower" by sethdickens (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Lotta wannabe vandwellers worry 'bout how they're gonna wash the stink off. No problem. Easy really. Showers ain't hard to come by down by the river. Here's some options off the top of my head.

10 Vanlife Shower Options

1. Gyms / Fitness Centers

This is a popular option for your urban vandwellers and OTR types frequenting cities. Get you a cheap membership to one of the national gym chains. Then shower as needed. Get a workout, too!

Vanholio don't hang around cities much, so this option's kinda useless for me. But don't let that stop you!

2. Truck Stops

Your big truck stops – T&A, Pilot, Flying J, etc. – usually have showers for the truckers. They're pricey at about $10-12 per shower. Most a the chains got deals for free showers if ya buy a lotta gas from them, so look into it.

Pilot's the only chain Vanholio's used, and only twice. But I can report that the showers were clean, fancy even, and Pilot provided soap and towels. At one place, a trucker gave me one a his free showers. I don't know whether he just thought Pilot are fucking shysters at $12 a pop or if I looked desperate. Free is free, so I just said, Thank you!

Makes me wonder if you couldn't buy showers at a discount from the truckers direct, say offer $5 for the credit. Most of them got more free showers than they can use anyway. Buddy a mine used ta be homeless, and said he'd hang around'n trucker's'd give him tokens for nothin'!

3. Campgrounds and RV Parks

Ya don't need to pay for a site. While it ain't exactly kosher, hardly no one'll notice if ya use a state, city, or county park campground's shower. This is a great deal if ya got an annual pass to cover the daily entrance. Plus some a your National Forest and BLM campgrounds got showers, though this ain't typical.

Small, private RV parks will often let travelers buy just a shower. The going rate seems to be $5. The laundry facilities is usually more-reasonably priced than a laundromat, too.

Some campgrounds and RV parks got coin-operated showers, which usually run a $1.00 to $1.50 for 4-6 minutes.

4. Swimming

Many a time Vanholio's taken a dip in a lake, river, or creek to clean off. I carry a bathing suit for the purpose, but I suppose ya could go like Adam and Eve. Don't pollute with soap, though. I just use sand and clay ta scrub off.

Sometimes public beaches got free rinse showers. Use them after your dip, or alone if it's too cold to swim.

5. Public Bathrooms

You can always get yourself a sponge / washcloth bath in a public bathroom anywhere. For privacy and stealth, a one-user bathroom is probably best. Don't be an asshole: Wipe up any mess you make.

6. Deodorizing Rinses

Vanholio uses this No-Rinse Body Wash he read about on some vandwelling forum. Works good. It's a deodorizing, moisturizing lotion ya just spread on and let dry. I think they come up with it for invalids. It's really good when it's cold out 'cause I can just apply in the van. Seen another brand sold at Walgreens.

I heard some vanlifers do a similar thing homemade. One gal uses a spray bottle filled with vinegar solution. And there are always cleansing wipes.

7. Friends and Family

Visitin' folks for dinner? Ask if they don't mind if you grab a quick shower. Most a your better people will oblige. But don't keep hittin' up the same folks too often. You'll wear out your welcome.

8. Portable Showers

Lots a vandwellers have worked out one kind of shower or other. There're commercial products, like camp showers, and even fancier gadgets. One of the most clever ideas I ever heard was using one of those pressure canisters ,usually used for fertilizer, pesticides, and bug spray. You could even poke holes in the bottom of a plastic bucket, fill it up, and hang it from a tree branch.

9. Garden Hose

If ya find a hose or can add a hose and spray nozzle to an outdoor tap somewhere, you got it made. Put on your swimsuit, hose down, soap up, hose down again, and towel down. You're done. For your nethers, just shoot water down into your swimsuit.

10. Car Wash

I never tried this nor ever even heard it being done... But why not go to a self-serve car wash!? I'm talking about the kind where you drive into a bay and use a powerwash gun. Maybe the gun's too long or two high-pressure? Still think it could work in a pinch. Vanholio'd just use the water rinse – no car soap. I'd also probably go at night or sometime there wouldn't be many around.

Between Showers

Also, consider that with daily deodorant; washing your face, pits, and nethers; and changing your clothes regular, you won't need to bathe all that often. Good hygeine is good for you, helps relations, and hides you in plain site from the LEOs.

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Get mail on the road – Traveling Mailbox! (review)

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Also See ...

• Clean Ass Top Priority for Vandwellers
• Bathing in Creeks, Rivers, and Lakes – #Vanlife Bonus!
• Here's How to Install a Shower in Your Van (Do It Yourself RV)
• How Often Do You Really Need to Shower, According to Science (Buzzfeed)

Read More »

How to Shit in a Hole in the Ground

"Dig a cathole," they say, "When you're boondocking and there ain't no toilets around." But how? How you use that without gettin' shit 'n pee all over yourself!? Read on! Uncle Vanholio'll learn ya!

13 Steps to Shittin' Pretty

1. Find a Private Spot. This is damn important, trust me!


2. Dig a hole about 6-8" inches deep (15-20 cm). Vanholio prefers ta use a small mattock over a trowel 'cause it'll tear through rocky or rooty soil better.


3. Take off your britches, underwear'n all. Maybe you got a way ta pull 'em outta the way, but Vanholio just finds this step prevents "mistakes." If you're wearin' a dress or kilt, I guess ya could hike it up.


4. Line up your heels even with the front a the hole. (See where the sandals is in that photo above.) That'll let aim up your turds ta drop square inta the hole.


5. Squat and shit. Ya don't even need ta squat all that much. Vanholio squats maybe as much as sittin' on a tall chair. Also helps ta pull your buttcheeks apart.


6. Keep squatting and wipe. Have that TP handy so ya don't have to stand up. If ya stand, ya might squish the leftover crap onta your buttcheeks more.


7. Dispose a the toilet paper: Option 1: Drop it inta the hole like you'd expect. Option 2: Put the used TP inta a ziplock bag ta carry to a trash can. That's what Vanholio does in arid places.


8. Piss inta the hole, if ya gotta. Most nutrients that leave the body come out in pee. I figure that and the moisture'll help the crap break down quicker.


9. Clean your ass. Having a clean ass is your No. 1 vanlife priority. There or back at camp, use some "flushable" wipes to make sure there ain't nothin' left in the crack. Get your whole nethers clean.


10. Put on your britches. Or go commando. Your call.


11. Fill in the hole. Maybe stomp on it after to squash that dirt down.


12. Wash your hands. If ya ain't got soap and water ta spare, do like Vanholio does. Clean your hands with another wipe, then use some antiseptic gel.


13. Enjoy the relief. Walk away. Sigh deep. Hell, smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

Honestly, ya get used to it. It ain't that bad. After years on the road, Vanholio don't see no need ta carry a tiny toilet with him. No siree!

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Gettin' mail on the road? Traveling Mailbox! (review)

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Also See ...

• Shit in Woods Goes Gross to Nightmare
• Clean Ass No. 1 Top Priority for Vandwellers
• Principle 3: Dispose of Waste Properly (Leave No Trace) 
• Fossilized Feces Tell Tale of Earliest Americans (NPR)

Read More »

Washing Clothes in the Van With a Toilet Plunger

One cheap way ta wash your laundry when vandwelling is with a 5 gallon bucket and a toilet plunger. Just started doin' this last week. Works great! Here's how.

The basic formula is ya get a 5 gallon bucket. Ya can get 'em free here and there. Or ya can buy 'em. I got mine at Walmart for less than $4 each. Ya need the lid, too.

Then ya get a plunger. Any ol' plunger'll do. It helps if ya drill holes in the rubber.

Vanholio got fancy, though. That one in the photo is the Ball Clothes Washer. Sprang for the $25 mostly 'cause I figured it'd be nice ta have the handles. Works fine. Only problem – and I ain't the only one who run inta this – is the workin' end comes loose. Plumber's tape fixed that.

Now, in the bucket lid, ya cut or drill a hole for your plunger handle. That cuts down on water swishin' out.

Toilet Plunger Clothes Washing How-To

1. Pretreat stains.
2. Put your plunger inta the bucket.
3. Add some clothes.
4. Add some laundry soap.*
5. Top up the water. Hot is good.
6. Close the lid.
7. Work the plunger for about 10 minutes.
8. Wring out the clothes
9. Repeat Steps 2-8 with clean water / no soap ta rinse.**
10. Hang dry.

* Since I'm at my house now, I'm usin' ¼ C Castile soap so that it's safe to pour the wash water onto my yard after. Good idea in the woods, too. One gal told me she just uses hot water and vinegar.

** Photo shows two buckets, but I think ya can use the same bucket again. Also, I put a little vinegar, about ½ C, ta the rinse water to clean off the soap better. Read somewhere that helps.

That's about it! Vanholio didn't invent this shit. He just tried it an' is passin' along.

Heard about other ways a doin' laundry on the road. This is just one. But it's a small enough system for vandwellers. Only issue is havin' 'nough water at hand for the job, about 6 gallons.

Try it out and let me know how it works for ya.

Fancy Toilet Plunger Clothes Washer Video

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Gettin' mail on the road? Traveling Mailbox! (review)

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Also See ...

Don't Let Dirty Laundry Stink Up the Van

Where to Get Free Water for Van Life

How Do You Do Laundry? (Living Without Money)

5 Tips to Remove Stains Naturally (Savory Lotus)

Read More »

Don’t Let Dirty Laundry Stink Up the Van

Living in a van down by the river ain’t no damn reason to let your van smell like stink-butt. Vanholio’s got a trick to hold that ass smell to a minimum.

How to Store Dirty Laundry in Vans

Problem – Laundry Bags Waste Space, Smell

See, Vanholio’s got a tiny van. So as my laundry built, I had this huge bag a dirty clothes in my way. That was one problem. The other was it was stinkin’ up the place. Then I figured out how to kill two birds with one stone.

Solution – Waterproof Pillow Cases Do Double Duty

It’s so simple, I’m amazed some vandweller ain’t come up with it already. I done bought myself some waterproof, bug-proof, hypoallergenic pillowcases. The particular pillowcases are terry-cloth-like on the outside, water-tight, and close with a zip. No stank escapes.

Vanholio uses the clothes-filled sacks like pillows. They ain’t squishy, but they’re good to prop up my feet, put under a soft pillow, or lay by my side for extra insulation. Instead of being in the way, my dirty laundry’s multi-use – essential in vanlife.

When I do laundry every few weeks, I just wash the pillowcases with the rest. They hold up to hot water and the dryer.

Advice – Air Dry Dirties Before Stuffing

Before you sack up your smelly underwear and other clothes in the pillowcases, hang them up to air dry for a day or so. With less moisture, you'll avoid that gym bag mildew rot smell.

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Get mail on the road – Traveling Mailbox! (review)

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Also See ...

• Clean Ass Top Priority for Vandwellers
• Bathing in Creeks, Rivers, and Lakes – #Vanlife Bonus!
• How to Make Dirty Clothes Smell Good Without Washing (Dengarden.com)
• Laundry in Five Gallon Buckets (CheapRVLiving.com)

Read More »

Where to Get Free Water for Van Life

Ya gotta fuel your piss pump, Boys and Girls. But where to fill your jugs with free water? When you're living in a van down by the river? Vanholio tells you how.

Now, this don't really apply to you fancy pants RV folks with your exclusive fuckin' Club Med RV parks and dump stations. You’re covered. This is for the rest of us living on the cheap and under the radar – van life

Ol' Vanholio don’t have a holdin' tank. He just has some plastic jugs, about 12 gallons worth all told. That’s enough for a week or two, dependin'. Maybe you’re the same?

Here’s some places Vanholio’s been lucky findin' water while driving all over the goddamn country.

Friends, Family, Work

Fillin' up your jugs when visiting friends or family, or at work, is the obvious option. Don’t leave their homes without water! Ever!

Campgrounds and RV Parks

Obviously, if you’re stayin' at a campground or RV park that has water, fill ‘er up. But just today, I noticed a city RV park in passing. I drove in, parked in a spot, filled up my jugs from the hookups, and left. Yes, courtesy would be to ask first, but I’d rather apologize later. And fuck payin'!

Public Parks

I’ve found water taps in city, county, state, and national parks. Don’t just limit yourself to faucets provided for drinkin', though. Three weeks ago, I parked by a city ball field to read a map. Lookin' around, I noticed that the bathrooms by the ball field had a regular, outside tap, probably there for a garden hose. Got a week's worth of water in 3 minutes!

Rest Stops

In some states, public rest stops have drinking water taps for fillin' jugs. Wyoming is really good about this.

Commercial Buildings

Some gas stations, grocery stores, and other businesses have water via regular outside taps. Take some on the sly or ask, as you see fit. Now, you'd think commercial buildings have taps outside, just like a house, but you'd be wrong. Most have special taps outside to prevent lowlifes like you and me from gettin' it. Even when you ask a clerk for permission, they don't even know how to work the tap. But Vanholio has the solution, thanks to super redditor Drummygummy: You just need a faucet / sillcock key (see photo at right). Now, Vanholio hasn't used one personally (yet), but the tech looks promising. All the preppers rave about them! (See the how-to video at bottom.)

Grocery Stores / Water Vending Machines

Supermarkets, dollar stores, and convenience stores in many parts of the USA have filtered-water vending machines that let you fill your own jugs for about $0.30 a gallon. If you can't get free, that's a better option than bottled water. In some parts a the country, filtered water vending machines are free-standing on corner lots.

Rest Rooms

Almost anywhere, including all the places above, you can walk into a public or store restroom with your jug and fill it up at the bathroom sink if they don't have a drinking water tap. How? Bring a cup or a funnel with hose to get the water from the faucet into the jug. Or do this #vanlife hack with a bottle!

Private Homes

I'd be careful about getting shot, 'specially in redneck country. But Vanholio has gone up to folk's houses and asked to fill up at the garden hose. Most folks oblige. You can offer to pay, but they won't usually let you.

Streams, Rivers, Lakes, Ponds

If you'll be camping literally down by the river, or by a creek or lake, why not filter your own water? Then you don't have to go huntin' for it. A decent water filter is a good investment if you're in wet place. Desert-dwellers need not apply.

Potable water is available free for van life all throughout the great ol' USA. Just get out of the consumer mentality and look around, dammit. Bottled water ain't any healthier than public water (except in Flint), and buying it sucks your wallet dry.

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Gettin' mail on the road? Traveling Mailbox! (review)

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Also See ...

• #Vanlife Hack – Filling Water Jugs at Bathroom Faucet
• Shaving Without Water in the Van
• A Travelers Guide to Tap Water (Mapping Megan)
• 4 Ways to Treat Water while Traveling (Sick on the Road)

Read More »

Clean Ass No. 1 Top Priority for Vandwellers

No one wants to smell your stanky damn ass. Not even you. Keepin' your butt crack clean is Priority Number One. Especially when you live in a van, down by the river.

In fact, a spit-polished taint is more important for vandwellers because we don’t always get a shower every day. Do you want your van to smell like shit? Do you want to butt stink to disgust every fuckin' time you get out of the driver’s seat? No!

Not unless you or your S.O. are goddamned coprophiliacs. In which case, save it for special occasions, Perv.

Plus, a fresh-washed crack and fresh underwear are the key to not smelling like a fuckin' bum. That helps when the cops ask questions. Trust me.

How to Keep Your Ass Clean in a Van

1. Do Post-crap Cleaning — After takin' a dump, I wipe as well as I can with toilet paper. I really dig into that bunghole. Then I wipe my crack and dingleberry with one or two baby wipes. (BTW, don’t flush them wipes or dump them in a vault toilet; throw them in the trash.)


2. Change Underwear Daily — Briefs, boxers, and panties are there to capture loose poop, pee, or odors. In the old days, it saved washin' woolen pants til spring. In modern times, you probably change your pants more than once a year. Maybe every day. No matter, change that underwear daily and the stink won’t follow you around.


3. Ass-Wipe After Fart-a-thons — The odd fart or two isn’t a problem. But we all get a run on gas once in awhile, usually after eating too damned much at the Chinese buffet. Things back there get moist and pungent. So clean your crack with a baby wipe and/or TP, and return your trunk to it’s factory smell.

If you’re a vandweller, trucker, or anyone who spends a lot of time in a vehicle – Or really, if you’re not fucking disgusting – keep your ass clean. It should be your fuckin' No. 1 top priority!

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Gettin' mail on the road? Traveling Mailbox! (review)

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Also See ...

• 'People' Who Smear Their Shit Around Public Places
• 10 Ways to Shower if You Live in a Van
• Don’t Let Dirty Laundry Stink Up the Van
• Ass Cleaning 101: 5 Important Tips to Keep It Assalicious (Best of Craigslist)

Read More »

Bathing in Creeks, Rivers, and Lakes – #Vanlife Bonus!

Vanholio loves natural bathing in natural water. It’s free, for one thing. For another, it’s fun. It’s one a his favorite parts of the van nomad lifestyle – least in warmish weather.

Don’t matter to me none if the water is cold. Breath deep, relax, and you get used to it. Pumps up your metabolism, too, keepin’ warm!

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Skip the Soap and Shampoo!

Not much advice on the subject, ‘cept don’t use soap and shampoo. Ya don’t need it, and it fucks up the water. Believe me, swim a bit, an’ you’ll come out fresh as rain. Even if that water looks a bit dirty.

(Vanholio’s momma always used ta make him shower after swimmin’ in the creek. Don’t know what that shit was all about. Think she was just a clean freak.)

What?, you say, But my soap is "biodegradable"! Yeah, well it’s a poison to water critters and plants until it does biodegrade. That shit just don’t belong there. Besides, humans lived millions a years without no soap. Fuck Johnson & Johnson!

Swimsuit or Nekkid Is Fine

Vanholio usually jumps in with swim trunks. But au naturale certainly adds a certain somethin’ ta the experience. ‘Specially if ya got that special someone (or someones) with ya. If ya wanna skinny dip and have a hippie orgie, Vanholio supports you 110%!

Worst case, some kids see ya nekkid. Good for them! Brats oughta learn that homely folks get sexy too! It’s their future. TV and movies lie!

Also See ...

• "10 Ways to Shower if You Live in a Van"
  
• "Biodegradable Soap in the Backcountry: The Campsuds Myth" (Section Hiker)
  
• "On Soap-Free Living" (TreeHugger)
  
• "Showering Without Soap or Shampoo: My 3-Month Experiment" (Disrupting the Rabblement)

Read More »

Close That Vault Toilet Lid, Dammit!

This is a Public Service Announcement: When you leave up seat in a vault toilet and open the door, you're doing the opposite of helpin'. Close them up! Here's why ...

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

See, your vault toilets – the kind ya find these days in U.S. Forest Service campgrounds, rec sites, etc. – is much more than your ol' stinky latrine. That's good to know, 'cause in van life, you're gonna be usin' these a bunch!

3 Ways Vault Toilets Stink Less

1. The concrete vault (the shit pit) keeps out varmints. Plus bio-hazardous shit don't leach into the groundwater.
2. The vent chimney uses passing breezes and the sun's heat ta vent the stink out up high'n away.
3. The vault and chimney are screened off from flies (except for the shitter seat hole).

Now, all them three factors depend on you puttin' down the toilet seat when you're done. And closing the door helps too, plus keeps out the bigger varmints from makin' a mess in there.

If you even *think* that leavin' the seat up and openin' the door is gonna freshen things out, you're just plain wrong. You're invitin' more flies and suckin' that stink up into the throne room. Plus, you're an asshole.

Also See ...

• 'People' Who Smear Their Shit Around Public Places
• Human Beings Are Fuckin' Disgusting!
• Vault Toilets – A Step Up From the Pit (Southland Organics)
• What Is a Vault Toilet? (Brad's Home Improvement Blog)

Read More »

Shaving Without Water in the Van

Water’s at a premium in van life boondocking. That’s why Vanholio dry shaves in the field. Plus it beats playin' with water on a cold mornin'! But it ain’t harsh like it sounds. Let me tell ya how this works.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

4 Steps to Dry Shaving

1. Slather on Aloe Vera Gel

That's my van life secret to dry shavin' – aloe vera gel. You could use just about any kinda lotion, but I like the aloe vera. That's because it don't plug up the pores, ya can get it without scents, and it moisturizes and relieves scrapes. Oh, and it’s great to have around if you get sunburn or windburn.

2. Use a Single Blade Razor

The aloe vera gel, or whatever other lotion, goops up in the razor. And ya ain't got no runnin' hot water ta flush it out! Your fancy 4 and 5-blade razors're gonna be useless.

Good news is that single-blade disposable razors is cheap, ‘specially at Walmart! I like the BIC Sensitive Shaver 12 pack. Usually get 4 or so shaves per razor.

If ya wanna, you could likely save more money with an old-fashioned safety razor.

3. Wipe Your Face With a Dry Towel

The aloe vera gel don't stick around too bad. You can wipe it off easy with a paper towel, napkin, towel, or dirty t-shirt. The cut hairs come off with the excess gel. And your face feels nice clean and soft afterwards.

4. Clean the Razor for Reuse

If the razor ain't shot, you'll wanna clean it up for reuse. I can usually wipe out the gel OK with a paper towel and a toothbrush. Sometimes I'll soak the blade in 1/4 C of water to soften the gel, if I've let it dry up.

Alternatives Van Life Shaving Methods?

Obviously, you can use an electric razor dry. And some vandwellers don't mind using a little bowl of water, whatever Vanholio says.

Another thing I do is just wait till I'm at a restroom. I done shaved in many a gas station, Walmart, and grocery store. I just use the hand soap for lotion. Don't feel self-conscious 'bout shavin’ at such places no more.

And a course, you could always grow a beard ...

Not Dry Shaving, But Check Out These Videos!

Also See ...

• 10 Ways to Shower if You Live in a Van
• Finding Free Water When Living in a Van
• Is It So Bad To Shave Without Any Water? (Glyder)
• How to Dry Shave (WikiHow)

Read More »

'People' Who Smear Their Shit Around Public Places

Posted before on findin' a turd on the toilet floor, plus other crap – literally. Turns out this is common. A slice a Americans do this for shits and giggles. It's a well-known thang by the survivors a campground hostin', retail (especially clothin'), and restaurants.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Shit Is Gettin' Spread All Over America!

Now, I ain't talkin' about folks as get diarrhea an' miss, then don't clean it up nor tell no one. That's gross, but understandable in a way. Who wants to admit to a thing like that!?

No, I'm talkin' about sick fuckin' bastards who sling their shit around on purpose! Psychologists call what these shitheads do "voluntary encopresis." They gots a name for it!

Don't know what more to say. Squigs ol' Vanholio out. So here's some stories to laugh, cry, or vomit over … (And do follow the links if ya can stand more.)

Shitty Tales of Shit Mishandled

Saw this on Facebook just this morning!

Shitty Retail Stories

"To everyone who thinks a job at Victoria's Secret is glamorous... Today I found and cleaned up poop in the fitting room #vsemployeeproblems" — Ashley Nyhoff, Victoria's Secret

“'There was a pile of clothes [in the Clearance section] that, like, three people could have slept on, it was so big,' she said. As she dug deeper into the pile, the first thing that hit her was the smell. 'Somebody had gone out of their way to stuff into the very center of the pile, not the bottom, mind you, but the dead center of the pile, a shitty diaper,' she said." — Amanda Atkinson, Old Navy

Shitty Fast Food Story

"Used to work at a Wendy's and we had a frequent douche that used to do this. The worst one was the time he shit into a wad of toilet paper and threw it on the ceiling. When you walk into the bathroom, there was this wad of shit on the ceiling with toilet paper ribbon-dancing down from it. Worst Halloween decorations ever." — Boner999, Wendy's

Shitty School Story

"our mad crapper was truly insane. they would drop deuces in the most random places, sometimes in locations that would be, ordinarily, impossible. hallways. the principal's miniature palm tree(while said principal was getting coffee ten feet from her office). assemblies. sporting events.

"the assumption was that the crapper had accomplices but nobody ever owned up to witnessing the maestro at work.

"never any notes, never any cute warnings or taunting the authorities either. the crapper was a ghost. a poo-terrorist that could strike anywhere. they had the school on edge for five goddamn years.

"as far as i know nobody has ever confessed. the only reason they ever thought it was just one person was the fact that, apparently, all the turds were consistent - roughly the same mass, length, girth etc.

"honestly i'm 90% certain it was the cheerleader who came back as an assistant coach and counselor. just because nobody could have ever suspected her and she had the physical access to pull off the crapper's big fifth year." — buttery_shame_cave, a high school

Shitty Summer Camp Story

Is this sign necessary!!??

"I once stayed at a summer camp as a child. We lived in the dorms of a local private high school for a couple weeks. Some guy would poop into paper bags and leave them around the dorm in random places. I think in total we found seven of them over the course of 2 weeks. After the RAs made an announcement that whoever was doing this should stop, someone drew a square on the wall in poo.

"My friends and I couldn't figure out how he drew the square. Did he hold his own turd? Did he squeeze it in his butt and draw a perfect square with his ass? What would drive a man to do such a thing?

"The mystery of the Unidumper lives on." — [redacted], summer camp USA

What's Their Shitty Motivation?

"My main issue is that I become extremely frustrated with family members and the hospital. Sometimes to release frustration, I have resorted to urinating and defecating on Walmart bathroom floor. Maintenance closed the public bathroom. I laughed so hard and thought it was humorous. Then, my frustration was released." — aimlove_89, Walmart

"Sort of relevant: My friend worked in a fast food restaurant when he was young, and one day someone opened the soap container in the bathroom and put shit in it. So then people would start washing their hands and be like 'What's on my hands?!' and try to wash it off, only to put more shit on their hands. They never found out who did it." — cleanjudith, "a friend"

My Shitty Conclusion

I don't get this "voluntary encopresis." I don't want to get it. I don't want to see it. I wish I could forget everythin' I now know.

But if you're gonna get into van life an' use public bathrooms, ya need to be aware.. An' gawd bless ya if ya become a campground host or workkamper!

Also See ...

• Human Beings Are Fuckin' Disgusting!
• Shit in Woods Goes Gross to Nightmare
• Man Smears Feces on His Lawyer, Flings It at Jury (The San Diego Union Tribune)

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Shit in Woods Goes Gross to Nightmare

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