Last Update: 3/10/2019

10 Ways to Shower if You Live in a Van

Man who lives in a van down by the river grimaces in cold shower. Vanholio.com
"Cold Shower" by sethdickens (CC BY-SA 2.0)

Lotta wannabe vandwellers worry 'bout how they're gonna wash the stink off. No problem. Easy really. Showers ain't hard to come by down by the river. Here's some options off the top of my head.

10 Vanlife Shower Options


1. Gyms / Fitness Centers


This is a popular option for your urban vandwellers and OTR types frequenting cities. Get you a cheap membership to one of the national gym chains. Then shower as needed. Get a workout, too!

Vanholio don't hang around cities much, so this option's kinda useless for me. But don't let that stop you!

2. Truck Stops


Your big truck stops – T&A, Pilot, Flying J, etc. – usually have showers for the truckers. They're pricey at about $10-12 per shower. Most a the chains got deals for free showers if ya buy a lotta gas from them, so look into it.

Pilot's the only chain Vanholio's used, and only twice. But I can report that the showers were clean, fancy even, and Pilot provided soap and towels. At one place, a trucker gave me one a his free showers. I don't know whether he just thought Pilot are fucking shysters at $12 a pop or if I looked desperate. Free is free, so I just said, Thank you!

Makes me wonder if you couldn't buy showers at a discount from the truckers direct, say offer $5 for the credit. Most of them got more free showers than they can use anyway. Buddy a mine used ta be homeless, and said he'd hang around'n trucker's'd give him tokens for nothin'!

3. Campgrounds and RV Parks


Ya don't need to pay for a site. While it ain't exactly kosher, hardly no one'll notice if ya use a state, city, or county park campground's shower. This is a great deal if ya got an annual pass to cover the daily entrance. Plus some a your National Forest and BLM campgrounds got showers, though this ain't typical.

Small, private RV parks will often let travelers buy just a shower. The going rate seems to be $5. The laundry facilities is usually more-reasonably priced than a laundromat, too.

Some campgrounds and RV parks got coin-operated showers, which usually run a $1.00 to $1.50 for 4-6 minutes.

4. Swimming


Many a time Vanholio's taken a dip in a lake, river, or creek to clean off. I carry a bathing suit for the purpose, but I suppose ya could go like Adam and Eve. Don't pollute with soap, though. I just use sand and clay ta scrub off.

Sometimes public beaches got free rinse showers. Use them after your dip, or alone if it's too cold to swim.

5. Public Bathrooms


You can always get yourself a sponge / washcloth bath in a public bathroom anywhere. For privacy and stealth, a one-user bathroom is probably best. Don't be an asshole: Wipe up any mess you make.

6. Deodorizing Rinses


Vanholio uses this No-Rinse Body Wash he read about on some vandwelling forum. Works good. It's a deodorizing, moisturizing lotion ya just spread on and let dry. I think they come up with it for invalids. It's really good when it's cold out 'cause I can just apply in the van. Seen another brand sold at Walgreens.

I heard some vanlifers do a similar thing homemade. One gal uses a spray bottle filled with vinegar solution. And there are always cleansing wipes.

7. Friends and Family


Visitin' folks for dinner? Ask if they don't mind if you grab a quick shower. Most a your better people will oblige. But don't keep hittin' up the same folks too often. You'll wear out your welcome.

8. Portable Showers


Lots a vandwellers have worked out one kind of shower or other. There're commercial products, like camp showers, and even fancier gadgets. One of the most clever ideas I ever heard was using one of those pressure canisters ,usually used for fertilizer, pesticides, and bug spray. You could even poke holes in the bottom of a plastic bucket, fill it up, and hang it from a tree branch.

9. Garden Hose


If ya find a hose or can add a hose and spray nozzle to an outdoor tap somewhere, you got it made. Put on your swimsuit, hose down, soap up, hose down again, and towel down. You're done. For your nethers, just shoot water down into your swimsuit.

10. Car Wash


I never tried this nor ever even heard it being done... But why not go to a self-serve car wash!? I'm talking about the kind where you drive into a bay and use a powerwash gun. Maybe the gun's too long or two high-pressure? Still think it could work in a pinch. Vanholio'd just use the water rinse – no car soap. I'd also probably go at night or sometime there wouldn't be many around.

Between Showers

Also, consider that with daily deodorant; washing your face, pits, and nethers; and changing your clothes regular, you won't need to bathe all that often. Good hygeine is good for you, helps relations, and hides you in plain site from the LEOs.




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Last Update: 3/03/2019

Chrysler Charges $1400 for Temperature Adjustment Knob!

Photo of Ram Promaster City Climate Control Module

Can ya believe this shit!? Chrysler dealership wants me ta pay $1400 to replace the broken temp control knob in my 2015 Promaster City. What the fuck!? Is the fucker made a gold?

It even halfway works! Just don't turn all the way, can't get the coldest cold nor the hottest hot.

Turns out the temp control knob is part of a module, the "climate control module." (That's the photo at top.) Gettin' a new OEM control module, plus the dealer's time ta rip inta the dash, is why it's so hard'n pricey. And for some reason, it ain't covered by my MOPAR VIP extended warranty (which expires in about a year anyhow). Cost me $125 ta find that out!

Well, well, well ... There comes a time in every vehicle's life when the calculus changes, when it's time ta move on. Not from the van, no. From dealer service. It's time for that scrappy combo a DIY, handy friends, junk yards, aftermarket parts, and just livin' with some quirks.

Now that winter's nearly over, I mighta just gone on as is. Heat ain't that big a deal. In terms a AC, headin' ta Canada for the summer anyways.

But an internet search found me scrap control modules bein' sold online. Junk yards do that shit now. Got one ordered off Ebay, only $40 with free shipping.

Might spend another $20 for a subscription ta ALLDATAdiy.com ta access their repair manual for my Promaster City. That's for instructions on tearin' apart the dash in such ways that I can put the fucker back together. Plus whatever new delights come up months from now.

So call it ... $60 ta fix? Vs. $1400!? Yup, we're in new territory now. ... And no, Vanholio ain't all that handy, believe it or not. But ta save $1300+? I'll fuckin' learn, goddamnit!


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Last Update: 2/24/2019

Top 10 Questions About Living in a Van

Van is camped with folding chairs and a tarp awning making everything comfortable.

People keep asking Vanholio and other fulltime vandwellers the same goddamn questions about vanlife over and over again. Here’s short answers ta the Top 10.

Now understand that these are just Vanholio’s answers. I gots my biases. Plus Vanholio is an OTR (on the road) vandweller. I’d do things different if I lived in a city.

Top 10 Vanlife Questions Answered


1. What kind of van should I get?


Vanholio’s got a Promaster City converted ta camper. That’s a bit small for most. Full-size vans is most common. But hell, I seen folks live in everything from Priuses up to buses, plus every kind a trailer or tent. What you need is ta keep the weather off ya. After that, it’s what you like and can afford. If you can work with what ya already own, that's what I'd do.

2. How do you heat and cool the van?


Vanholio’s goal is keeping hisself – his body – at a nice temp. Heat and A/C for a van is one way ta do that. Plenty a folks have ways. My ultimate climate controls is longitude and altitude. But I also use clothes, blankets, and acclimatization to keep warm; and good fans, ventilation, and moisture evaporation ta keep cool.

3. How do you shower?


First off, ya don’t need a shower every goddamn day, unless you’re gettin' truly dirty at work. But showers ain’t hard. If you ain’t got access at a gym or built inta your rig, ya can get showers at truck stops and campsites, use portable shower gadgets, or clean up with wipes or no-rinse body wash. Shit, at worse all ya need is a bucket, water, soap'n a washcloth!

4. Where do you go to the bathroom?


In the last year, I only had to shit in the woods about half dozen times. Mostly, I used regular public or business bathrooms, or else vault toilets in the forests. ‘Course as a male, pissing wherever the fuck I want ain’t an issue.

5. What do you do for money?


Besides a bit from bloggin', Vanholio does online surveys and has investment income. Lots a travelin' vandwellers got businesses or jobs they can do via internet, phone, or mail, or by settin' up shop here'n there. Others find temp jobs around the country. Really ain’t that tough 'cause vanlife is cheap (or can be).

6. How much does living in a van cost?


This is gonna depend on your tastes, but from all I’ve heard the average vandweller lives on $1,000 or less per month. Some far less than that.

7. Do you have a gun?


No. I ain’t opposed to folks 2nd Amendment rights, but personally don’t feel trained enough to use a gun right under stress. I do carry weapon-ready tools. But, but, BUT, my first defense is usin' my brain ta avoid trouble and avoid being noticed. Plus I got a Watch Chihuahua!

8. Do the cops hassle you?

Living in a van ain’t exactly illegal. But local statutes and nosy cops can make it hard. I avoid them places, and I'm damn sneaky when I can’t. Plus I move around, keep well groomed, and have a clean vehicle, so I don’t catch the LEO’s eyes.

9. Where do you park at night?


Since Vanholio is a traveler and prefers the wild, I usually camp in the backcountry of national forests and BLM land. But I’ve also slept in Walmarts and other parking lots, rest stops, campgrounds, RV parks, friends’ driveways, curbside, and behind abandoned buildings.

10. Isn't living in a van lonely?


Oh, hell no! First off, loneliness is a state of mind. Second, if you want society, it’s easy to find as much as you want, with a little thought. Even pussy or cock, or whatever revs your engine!


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Last Update: 2/16/2019

Choke Your Chicken in a RoadPro Stove

Cooking a whole chicken in an oven bag within a RoadPro 12 volt Stove

"Stuff it, stuff it in! Take it all, Baby! Cram that fuckin' chicken in your hole, choke it!" I screamed as the whole bird slipped inta my RoadPro Stove.

Been surfing the web for 12 volt cooking food porn, then found THIS. Dirty sonofabitch had crammed that super-sized chicken into that hot hole ... Mmmm. He'd put the bird into an oven bag and stuffed it into his RoadPro Stove ALL THE WAY! After 2.5 hours a workin', that bitch was hot, greasy and meltin' off the bone! My tongue was on the floor!

Days later, Vanholio was in some grocery store and saw they was pimping'whole birds, seasoned, with bread stuffing inside, ready to go. I bought one, about 3 lbs. Put it in a bag (with a little flour and air hole in top, per instructions.)

Got that plump chick home and prepped her real good. Gawdammit, then I fisted her inta that RoadPro Stove hole. Baked her for ... well, a long damn time, like 5 or more hours. Don't know why it took so long, probably the stuffing. But DAMNNNNN!
RoadPro Stove Cooks It All!

Tender, so tender... So soft ... So satisfied ...

Las Chihuahas and I ate half the chicken and most a the stuffing right away. Now I've got the rest cold and waiting for sandwiches, eating straight, cooking with rice, whatever. Wow! Just wow!

Only complaint is that you don't get the brown, crispy skin of an oven-roasted chicken. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

But seriously, ya gotta try it. Choke your chicken into your RoadPro Stove. Roast it for 2.5+ hours. Eat like a king – King of the Fuckin' Road!


Special Note – Vanholio wrote this post back in 2015. Lots changed since. One Chihuahua, The Gimp, has passed on. Vanholio's been usin' a Max Burton Digital Stove to Go. But the principle's the same, the advice's still good ta go!





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Last Update: 2/10/2019

How to Shit in a Hole in the Ground


"Dig a cathole," they say, "When you're boondocking and there ain't no toilets around." But how? How you use that without gettin' shit 'n pee all over yourself!? Read on! Uncle Vanholio'll learn ya!

13 Steps to Shittin' Pretty


  1. Find a Private Spot. This is damn important, trust me!

  2. Dig a hole about 6-8" inches deep (15-20 cm). Vanholio prefers ta use a small mattock over a trowel 'cause it'll tear through rocky or rooty soil better.

  3. Take off your britches, underwear'n all. Maybe you got a way ta pull 'em outta the way, but Vanholio just finds this step prevents "mistakes." If you're wearin' a dress or kilt, I guess ya could hike it up.

  4. Line up your heels even with the front a the hole. (See where the sandals is in that photo above.) That'll let aim up your turds ta drop square inta the hole.

  5. Squat and shit. Ya don't even need ta squat all that much. Vanholio squats maybe as much as sittin' on a tall chair. Also helps ta pull your buttcheeks apart.

  6. Keep squatting and wipe. Have that TP handy so ya don't have to stand up. If ya stand, ya might squish the leftover crap onta your buttcheeks more.

  7. Dispose a the toilet paper: Option 1: Drop it inta the hole like you'd expect. Option 2: Put the used TP inta a ziplock bag ta carry to a trash can. That's what Vanholio does in arid places.

  8. Piss inta the hole, if ya gotta. Most nutrients that leave the body come out in pee. I figure that and the moisture'll help the crap break down quicker.

  9. Clean your ass. Having a clean ass is your No. 1 vanlife priority. There or back at camp, use some "flushable" wipes to make sure there ain't nothin' left in the crack. Get your whole nethers clean.

  10. Put on your britches. Or go commando. Your call.

  11. Fill in the hole. Maybe stomp on it after to squash that dirt down.

  12. Wash your hands. If ya ain't got soap and water ta spare, do like Vanholio does. Clean your hands with another wipe, then use some antiseptic gel.

  13. Enjoy the relief. Walk away. Sigh deep. Hell, smoke 'em if ya got 'em.

Honestly, ya get used to it. It ain't that bad. After years on the road, Vanholio don't see no need ta carry a tiny toilet with him. No siree!




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Last Update: 2/02/2019

Road Trip! Haida Gwaii, BC, Alaska, and Points North!


Vanholio's been thinkin' an' itchin' at the feet. Six months'n more Texas housebound's got him ready ta Go Big and Go Alaska! Plan is ta meander toward British Columbia and Alaska late March, early April. And he needs your help!

Check out the embedded Google Map below. Vanholio needs your advice on good places along the way. Don't mean tourist traps. I mean good free camp spots, cheap eats, little known side treks, hot springs and swimmin' holes for a bath, things like that.

And I ain't in no hurry, neither. Might take a month or more ta get up North.



"But Vanholio!," ya say, "You're missin' all the best stuff in the mountains and National Parks!" Well, first off, Vanholio's been ta all them parks.

Second, leavin' in spring, the notion is drive desert on the way up, goin' for sunshine and mid-50's weather. Mountains'll be too cold'n snowy that early. Might hit 'em on the way back south, though! TBD

That route there ain't set in stone none neither. It's a work in progress. But it avoids most big cities and interstates. And it keeps ta warmish high desert – Colorado Plateau, Great Basin, Inland Empire, and BC Interior. At least til the end.

Plans A, B or C?


At the end of that road, Vanholio's got a buddy with open invite up in the Haida Gwaii islands. Plan A after is a sidetrip ta Hyder, AK ta notch Vanholio's belt with his 50th USA state. Then it's back south one way or d'other.

But who knows! Maybe he'll hear the Northern Lights callin'! Plans B and C is up the ALCAN Highway or by Alaska State Ferry along the Alaska Marine Highway … Ya'll stay tuned!

So, ya got advice? Wanna hear it. Post in them comments!




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Last Update: 1/22/2019

Vanholio! Is Back! On the Road!

vanholio van overloaded with stuff on top, sagging down the back shocks

Fuck Texas! And fuck house imprisonment! Vanholio's got his dump on the market and's already hit the fuckin' road, Ya'll!

If ya read my last post 6 month ago, ya know that I'd decided ta settle awhile at my rental house in Texas – a failed Baltic Avenue type rental. Bad bizness.

Dreams! Vanholio'd dreamt a woodworkin', gardenin', paintin', and all such housebound pursuits! Especially hangin' with my peeps near every weekend and odd times.

But it was not ta be. Ended up doin' almost none a that shit. Ended up mostly sleepin' on the floor in one tiny room. Might as well a been a van with a cracked engine block!

What can I say? It was a dead end taken, a wrong road turned onto. The only good things was FAST internet and an oven ta bake my bread an' chicken wings easy.

I'm back in the Vanholio! Territory! – for now – livin' the vanlife and dreamin' bigger dreams. And hopin' that fuckin' house sells damn quick, afore it costs me too much taxes and utilities.




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Last Update: 6/01/2018

End of the Road (for Now)


Won't beat around the fuckin' bush: Vanholio's outta vanlife for the near future. He's done moved back to his ol' sticks'n bricks. Deal with it!

Why? Well, it's pretty much what I said in my post a month or so ago: gardenin', woodworkin', cookin' (in a full kitchen), and bein' near my people.

Not ta say he won't hit the road again at some point. Vanholio's always had itchy feet. Could be I'll turn part-timer. Could be I'll sell up and go full-time again when I get sick a this shit. No tellin'.

Only thing for sure is, I'm gonna do whatever the fuck I want!


Don't Expect No More Posts


No, I ain't bloggin' no more. Been at Vanholio.com for two years — It's gotten boring. Never did make much money nohow, maybe $20 a month. That ain't even a tank a gas! But most important, like I said, it's gotten boring. So there will be no blog about vanlife nor Vanholio's houselife from here on out.

Had fun writing 169 posts for Vanholio.com, plus more besides. Had fun chit-chattin' with readers and others I got ta know on social media. Even met a few folks IRL. But all good things come to an end.

I'll leave up Vanholio.com for a couple years. It covers most a the things newbies need ta learn, plus a bit besides. When Google drops the traffic way down, then I'll smother it with a pillow.

Partin' Wise Words


Get off your ass and hit the road, ya whiny bastard. Or don't, if ya don't really wanna. Just follow your heart, goddammit. It ain't that fuckin' complicated!



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Last Update: 5/03/2018

Washing Clothes in the Van With a Toilet Plunger

ball clothes washer and 5 gallon buckets ready to do laundry

One cheap way ta wash your laundry when vandwelling is with a 5 gallon bucket and a toilet plunger. Just started doin' this last week. Works great! Here's how.

The basic formula is ya get a 5 gallon bucket. Ya can get 'em free here and there. Or ya can buy 'em. I got mine at Walmart for less than $4 each. Ya need the lid, too.

Then ya get a plunger. Any ol' plunger'll do. It helps if ya drill holes in the rubber.

Vanholio got fancy, though. That one in the photo is the Ball Clothes Washer. Sprang for the $25 mostly 'cause I figured it'd be nice ta have the handles. Works fine. Only problem – and I ain't the only one who run inta this – is the workin' end comes loose. Plumber's tape fixed that.

Now, in the bucket lid, ya cut or drill a hole for your plunger handle. That cuts down on water swishin' out.

Toilet Plunger Clothes Washing How-To


  1. Pretreat stains.
  2. Put your plunger inta the bucket.
  3. Add some clothes.
  4. Add some laundry soap.*
  5. Top up the water. Hot is good.
  6. Close the lid.
  7. Work the plunger for about 10 minutes.
  8. Wring out the clothes
  9. Repeat Steps 2-8 with clean water / no soap ta rinse.**
  10. Hang dry.

* Since I'm at my house now, I'm usin' ¼ C Castile soap so that it's safe to pour the wash water onto my yard after. Good idea in the woods, too. One gal told me she just uses hot water and vinegar.

** Photo shows two buckets, but I think ya can use the same bucket again. Also, I put a little vinegar, about ½ C, ta the rinse water to clean off the soap better. Read somewhere that helps.

That's about it! Vanholio didn't invent this shit. He just tried it an' is passin' along.

Heard about other ways a doin' laundry on the road. This is just one. But it's a small enough system for vandwellers. Only issue is havin' 'nough water at hand for the job, about 6 gallons.

Try it out and let me know how it works for ya.

Fancy Toilet Plunger Clothes Washer Video






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Last Update: 4/20/2018

#Vanlife Interrupted

Van upside down in middle of street, cop car next to it


Circumstance has got Vanholio off the vanlife road and sweatin' in South Texas – maybe permanent! For the next month or two, he's playin' Mr. Handyman. Probably won't be updatin' this blog, neither.

Fixin' Up the Rental House ta Sell


Now, I ain't never gone inta detail about how I make my money. 'Cause it's none a your goddamn business! But you're about ta get a little window.

Down in South Texas, Vanholio's got this house he's been rentin' out as one income stream. It's where he lived before vanlife.

Now, I say "house," but it's really an overgrown shack. Definitely some Baltic Avenue shit.

Last two years, he's gone through four sets a tenants – FOUR! – and not one a the bastards finished out the lease! Latest just skipped last week. Fuckers!

Between lost rent, more repairs, and management costs, this income stream is more an expense stream.

So I'm givin' up on this landlord shit. Early this week, I drove the wide expanse a Texas, got settled inta the house, and started cleanin' this shit up. Thankya Jeezus they didn't fuck the place up serious! Just a little scruffy round the edges.

Vanholio's gonna take a month'r two ta get 'er fixed up, painted, and spit polished, ready ta sell!

But Devil's Temptin' Me Off the Road


Once Vanholio made the decision to come back ta Texas and fixerup, a wicked idea hit him like a goddamn truckload a horseshit laced with anvils. That idea? Move back home.

See, I got most my people 'round here. While I weren't lonely at all wanderin' around in the van, the idea a seein' my people more regular's got me excited. Imagine that!

Other seductive thoughts been comin' inta my head, too. Like: "How 'bout enjoyin' the place once ya finally got 'er fixed up like ya always wanted?," and "Wouldn't a little wood shop be nice?," and "How about plantin' fruit trees and a garden, puttin' food up?," and a course, "Wouldn't it be damn nice ta have a full kitchen again?"

Yessiree, Vanholio's bein' tempted by the Devil a Domestic Bliss! He may succumb. Never did say I were a saint. In fact, I sure as hell ain't.

What's the End Game Here?


Not sure. I'm gonna take a month or two off the blog ta fix this place up. We'll see if stayin' put is gonna be or just a passin' fancy. They's pluses and minuses both ways. I'll let ya'll know.


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Last Update: 4/13/2018

Ya'll Come on Down ta Pie Town!

cherry pie and ice cream on paper plate

White chocolate cherry pie, if the curiosity is killin' ya. Made by The Gatherin' Place in Pie Town, New Mexico – a town of three pie shops on US 60, and that's mostly all.

Well, there's also an RV park that allows tents. Hikers on the Continental Divide Trail like ta stay there ta rest, catch up on internet, and for a shower – and ta get mail and grub in town. That's pretty cool. But it does mean you might sit down by ripe hikers at a cafe. I did last year. It added a certain earthy perfume ta my eggs!

Oh, #vanlife folks: They got free campin' in the woodsy park on the south side with water and shitters. Decent Verizon signal, too.



Most famous place in town is the Pie-O-Neer Pies. Someone even made a documentary about it!

But The Gatherin' Place is Vanholio's preferred pie stop. Good food and free WiFi, too. They used to have killer barbecue, but no more, I lament.

Pie Town has been a center for badass pies for almost 100 years. In 1924, some guy name a Clyde Norman started a pie shop in this tiny ranching hamlet out middle a nowhere. Word got around, and folks started coming for pie from hundreds a miles. So they changed the name from whatever the hell it was before, 'cause it was good for business. Today, the tradition continues.

They got an annual pie festival, too. This year it's September 8, 2018. Might have the county rodeo same time. Not sure.



This manifesto was originally posted on Vanholio's Steemit blog.


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Last Update: 4/10/2018

Sproutin' Pinto Beans in the Van

two pinto beans split open showing tiny sprouts


Vicki at Gypsy Clipper's been learnin' Vanholio on vanlife sproutin'. Sprouted beans, grains, nuts, and veggies is easier ta digest, less farty, and more vitamin packed than dry. Real easy ta do, and cooks quicker, too!

This ain't just for hippie-dippies. Read what WebMD says about it!

How to Sprout in the Van – Super Easy!


Followin' Vicki's advice, here's what I did:

  1. Got regular ol' bought-at-Walmart dried pinto beans.
  2. Soaked 'em about 5 hours (4-6 recommended).
  3. Drained 'em.
  4. Tied 'em up in a t-shirt.*
  5. Hung the t-shirt in a dark place in the van.
  6. Got 'em out about 20 hours later.
  7. Cooked as normal.

No big fuckin' deal! Tasted fine, too.

* BTW, it's that hangin' 'em in up in a cloth that makes it easy. Most sproutin' guides advise this setup with jars. Bad news for a van – takes up room, fussy, and fragile. Usin' a t-shirt, hitchhiker towel, bandanna, or whatever is so much fuckin' easier!

Gypsy Clipper Artisanal Food Operation

Vicki's inta all kindsa indoor farmin', sproutin', fermentin', and more shit in her van. Who knew ya could take all this homesteady stuff on the road! Hear what she says herself!



What's Next?


Vanholio's next vanlife foodie goal is bakin' homemade bread in a solar oven made from a windshield reflector. Stay tuned! (But it might be a while ...)


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Last Update: 4/05/2018

#Vanlife Podcasts – A Bigass List!

white media van with antenna and dish on top


Living in a van down by the river? Wanna be? Want podcasts on the car, RV, digital nomad and vandweller lifestyle? I’ve collected this huge list of vanlife-related podcasts!

Did I overlook some? Are some of the links defunct? Comment below, and I’ll update!




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Last Update: 4/03/2018

Curin' and Storin' Smoked Pork the Lazy Way

Smoked pig tails in kosher salt

Nothin' Vanholio loves in his beans more than some smoked, cured pork – bacon, ham, hocks, tails, and the rest. Gives it that downhome flavor. Here's how he gets it on the vanlife road.

Why Can't Ya Just Buy Smoked Pork for Vanlife?


But goin' solo and livin' in a van, they's a problem. The smoked meats at Walmart and grocery stores is sold in too bigga packages, about as much as he uses over a month or two.

And most modern smoked meats ain't fully cured ta last without refrigeration. Instead, they got minimum salt so as ya don't have ta soak 'em first, like ya do with traditional cured meat.

So that leaves two choices: Get some kinda freezer set up to hold the extra or buy old-fashioned uncooked, cured pork.

Well, settin' up a freezer that'll be cold 'nough ta keep meat fresh for a couple months without goin' off or gettin' freezer burn, is easier said than done.

Buyin' old-fashioned smoked meats is an option. But it's expensive. And if I buy local, I gotta source the places (ain't many!) and adjust my travel plans to hit 'em. If I buy online, I got the smallish hassle a intersectin' their delivery ta my route.

So why not make it myself, I asked?

Salt Down Store-Bought Smoked Pork for Vanlife – Easy!


The how-to's I found online for curin' meat are all about startin' from scratch (like in the video below). Makes sense for sticks-n-bricks folks. But Vanholio ain't got much room, nor patience either.

Thought ta myself: Why the hell don't I just buy some at Walmart and pack it in salt? That's how it all started way back when!

That's just what I did! Bought a package a smoked pig tails, which are perfect size for one-person batches a beans. Broke 'em up into smaller pieces. Then packed 'em inta a plastic jug with coarse Kosher salt all around.

The salt keeps out bacteria and absorbs more moisture from the meat. It gets saltier and tougher, like the old-fashion kind.

Now, were I wantin' ta season vegetables, I'd need ta soak the tails overnight ta drive out the extra salt. But as I'm cookin' dry beans that take hours anyway, the tails salt my beans as they cook out. By the time the beans is soft and the meats fallin' off the bone, it's just about right.

No, it's better than right. It's damn well Heaven on Earth! Yum, yum!!!

Is Storin' Modern Smoked Pork in Salt Safe?


Well, I ain't makin' no guarantees. What I can tell ya is that I've had that pork salted over a month in the van, sometimes in temps up ta 90 F (32 C). The latest I pulled out smelled fresh, tasted fresh. (I nibbled a bit raw ta check). Cooked up delicious. I never got so much as a rumbly tummy nor the burps, let alone the trots.

It's your own call if ya wanna give it a whirl. Be smart. But it worked out just fine for Vanholio! Kicked up the quality a his vanlife cookin' a bigass notch!

Old-Fashion Cured Pork From Scratch


Interestin' video. Not how Vanholio does it (as you read above). Love the Townsends YouTube channel, BTW.



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Last Update: 3/30/2018

What if I Die Alone in the Van?



Common fear if ya do vanlife solo (or even as a couple) is what'll happen if ya die or get too sick ta help yourself. Valid worry. Shit happens! An' the older ya get, the more likely it becomes.

Here's how ta cover yourself in case ol' vanlife goes ta hell. (Most a this info is Android based, but iOS should have similar. Even some dumbphones do.)

1. Stay in Contact Daily


Vanholio uses the vanlife buddy system. Every night, he uses an app ta text his GPS location to his best buddy and medical POA.

Sendin' out my GPS coordinates via SMS has three advantages:

  1. It's the most current location ta find me.
  2. It works when cellular Internet don't work. All I need is the barest cell signal.
  3. It lets my buddy know that I'm conscious and OK at that moment.

If I know I'm goin' totally off-grid, I'll text my current location and a summary of my travel plans. Includin' when he can expect ta hear from me next!

2. Use Your Smartphone as a Tracker


What if you're unconscious or otherwise can't contact out? What if ya moved since your last text in? That's where some kinda phone-based trackin' system works.

Right now, Vanholio's sharin' his location ta some friends usin' Google Maps. It's automatic once set up, which is great.


The downside is it only saves the last location I was on the internet. In other words, it don't work for shit if when your totally offgrid. But at least it gives searchers a startin' point.

Even better would be some kinda app that lets your buddies or family get your GPS coordinates via an SMS message, independent of Internet access.. That'll work as long as your phone is on and has the barest cell signal. There's a few apps out there.

3. Have Affairs in Order


It's damn smart ta have an Advance Directive, Last Will and Testament, and all that other shit ready ta go. 

Truly, Vanholio don't care much about whatever pathetic assets left when he bites it. Ain't my fuckin' problem. But I sure as hell care about my dog! And myself if I'm hard up but not quite dead.

The Advance Directive, gives instructions ta the doctors on how much I want done and what I think is bullshit. No fuckin' way I wanna be kept as a vegetable!


My best buddy is my Medical Power of Attorney (POA). He knows how I feel about things and'll see it done ta the best of his ability. I also got a regular POA ta handle the bills while I'm down.

Finally, I got a Pet Care Agreement and some money set aside 'specially for my dog. It's an agreement a who gets Ms. Barkley if I go. Has some backup folks, too. I'd hate ta think she'd die heartbroken and alone in a shelter. That shouldn't happen.

Now, ya might think plannin' all that stuff is gruesome. But it gives Vanholio peace a mind. Truly.

4. Keep Easy-to-Find ICE Info


Say LEOs or other first responders find you out or dead? Make sure they know what ta do. Vanholio's got printed and digital instructions for ICE (In Case of Emergency).

On my phone, I got an ICE app that does three things:

  1. It has my emergency contacts, includin' doctors, family, and POAs.
  2. It has my medical info, such as meds, allergies, and conditions.
  3. It has an emergency button I can press ta automessage my best buddy/medical POA, plus his wife.

But wait, there's more! Vanholio printed two laminated cards, one for his wallet and one mounted on the driver's shade in the van. It's got my meds, insurance info, allergies, where ta locate the Advance Directive, etc. in the van and online, and my emergency contacts.

Friend a mine is a hospital nurse. Says they get in single people all the time, especially middle aged men, with no info about who they are, what medical conditions they have, who ta contact, or nothin'. Makes their jobs damn hard. And maybe they don't guess right what the unconscious patient wants. Don't be that guy.

5. Get a Satellite Locator


Actually, I ain't got this yet. They're kinda pricey. But if you're type a vanlife takes ya outta cell range, look at a personal locator beacon or satellite messenger. Both work off satellite, so ya just need sky where you're at.



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Last Update: 3/27/2018

How I Became Homeless (and How You Can, Too!)

Wolfgang Pony Soldier, a conversion van
By WolfgangPonySoldier Blogger — Listen- this is a true story.

I turned 30 years old in a compound on lock-down surrounded by Cubans with guns. How did I get here, you may ask?

The summer preceding my 30's, I went a little crazy. I began dating my best friend. I sold all of my Ethereum (144, worth about $15 each at the time) and bought a van. We broke our lease on our apartment and set up a job for the fall trimming Marijuana (one of the still illegal farms that pay under the table)- All of this with the grandiose plan to travel across the country in search of.... something.

(PS: We named our van Wolfgang Pony Soldier)

We set off from Portland, Or. with $5k each, paid in cash. We hiked to waterfalls in misty Olympia, Wa. We camped on a beach in the redwoods where the giant old-growth trees backed up to the ocean. A friend lent us his apartment in Oakland where taxidermy animals stared at us from the walls. We slept next to Echo Park in our van, listening to the strange sounds of LA night. We slept on the streets of New Mexico for a month. And what did I learn?

That Jack Kerouac was full of shit.

Travelling is hard. It's fucking hard, especially in the modern age. When you're down to $20 in your bank account and you have to choose between paying your phone bill, buying food, or having a good night curled up with some beer, you might wish you still just had that comfy job and apartment back home. You miss the conversation of old friends. You miss taking a shower and pissing in a toilet (little tip: piss in an old laundry detergent bottle- it won't smell). You miss a front door that locks, instead of whispering in a van trying not to get caught.

Gal cooking on an camp stove

Something else I've learned- People aren't as shitty as you might think.

In every city we've been to, someone has lent us a shower. Friends of friends have given up their bed so we could sleep comfortably. New friends have given us art, old friends have bought us food. There is generosity hidden in the most disgusting parks in the largest cities. And best off- nobody has stolen our shit (yet).

Remembering back to the months I spent in a chair snipping the tiny hairs from green nugs, with AK47s and 1911s on the table behind me, always to my back, I have to say- this is so much better than having a stable job.

So, fuck it. Quit. What are you, scared?

I lived off $100 for the past month. Not because I wanted to, but because when you're up against the gun, you do what you need to. You can make it work. Go on vacation. Sell your house. Get out and meet some fucking people. I've heard of people in their 30's with no friends. Do you think maybe it's because you're spending too much time concerned with a computer? Not enough time actually out in the world? When you are forced out of your element, you adapt.

I'll be posting more stories and photos from our trip. Follow me, or go do something crazy.

Conversion van on side of road in woods



Started reading this #vanlife blogger on Steemit.com. Authentic voice. This manifesto was originally posted on his Steemit blog, WolfgangPonySoldier. Check it out!


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Last Update: 3/23/2018

EarthCruiser Is Vanlife Rig I'd Buy (When I Win Lottery!)

EarthCruiser EXP handling crazy offroad conditions

Vanholio hates the question, What conversion van or RV should I buy? Don't matter for vanlife or RV life, and I don't care. Most brands are crap. But EarthCruiser models are the exception.

If I ever win the lottery or otherwise find myself where money ain't no object, I might well get an Earthcruiser. Definitely top a the list!

EarthCruiser Quality Rocks


They got several models of two basic types: A full-on Mitsubishi Fuso conversion and truck campers for medium and large pickups. Lots ta admire in both types:

EarthCruiser GZL truck camper on pickup
EarthCruiser GZL
  • No fancy bullshit and sensible layout.
  • One-piece fiberglass shell:
    • Durable
    • Flexible under offroad stress
    • Easy ta clean
    • Insulated without air gaps.
    • No particle board shit or wood screws.
  • Solid, high-end yacht components.

EarthCruisers Ain't Cheap!


Prices ain't on the Earthcruiser.com website. Never a good sign.

TheDrive.com says the EXP – the top Fuso conversion – goes for over a quarter mil (~ $265,000 US). I can believe it!

Offgrid.com says the GZL truck camper starts at $36,000. Not bad, but beyond my current means.

Video Tour of EarthCruisers


Mostly shows the EXP. But the GZL truck camper starts at minute 9:50.


GZL Truck Camper My Likely Choice


Not sure which EarthCruiser I'd go for. The EXP and FX Mitsubishi Fuso conversions are clearly the most badass. Great for worldwide overland travel. But the GZL truck campers got their pluses.

Honestly, I'd probably go for the EarthCruiser GZL truck camper 'cause it's just big enough for what I need.

Plus I could upgrade trucks without startin' over. The Scrooge McDuck version of Vanholio'll get a 100% electric Tesla pickup, if Elon Musk ever gets his shit together on this. Or maybe a hydrogen fuel cell pickup, if such hits the market. Sky's the limit!
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Last Update: 3/20/2018

Don’t Let Dirty Laundry Stink Up the Van

dead woman buried under dirty laundry

Living in a van down by the river ain’t no damn reason to let your van smell like stink-butt. Vanholio’s got a trick to hold that ass smell to a minimum.

How to Store Dirty Laundry in Vans


Problem – Laundry Bags Waste Space, Smell


See, Vanholio’s got a tiny van. So as my laundry built, I had this huge bag a dirty clothes in my way. That was one problem. The other was it was stinkin’ up the place. Then I figured out how to kill two birds with one stone.

Solution – Waterproof Pillow Cases Do Double Duty


It’s so simple, I’m amazed some vandweller ain’t come up with it already. I done bought myself some waterproof, bug-proof, hypoallergenic pillowcases. The particular pillowcases are terry-cloth-like on the outside, water-tight, and close with a zip. No stank escapes.

Vanholio uses the clothes-filled sacks like pillows. They ain’t squishy, but they’re good to prop up my feet, put under a soft pillow, or lay by my side for extra insulation. Instead of being in the way, my dirty laundry’s multi-use – essential in vanlife.

When I do laundry every few weeks, I just wash the pillowcases with the rest. They hold up to hot water and the dryer.

Advice – Air Dry Dirties Before Stuffing


Before you sack up your smelly underwear and other clothes in the pillowcases, hang them up to air dry for a day or so. With less moisture, you'll avoid that gym bag mildew rot smell.


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Last Update: 3/16/2018

10 Amazin' Facts About the Creosote Bush

Creosote bush

Vandwellers and others in the US Southwest and Mexico seen a lotta creosote bushes. Shit's all over the goddamn place!

Some other names for creosote bush are greasewood and chaparral. In Spanish, it's called gobernadora and hediondilla. Scientists and stuckup gardeners call it Larrea tridentata.

But here's 10 amazin' facts ya didn't know! Leastways, Vanholio didn't till he decided ta dig around and educate hisself.

1. Creosote bush ain't where creosote comes from!


Creosote is distilled from oil or wood tar. Creosote bush got its name 'cause it smells kinda like actual creosote, 'specially when it rains. Pungent! That's why some Mexicans call it hediondilla, which means "little stinker."

2. Native Americans and others use it for medicine.


Ethnobotanist Gary Nabhan found Native Americans usin' creosote bush for at least 14 different ailments: colds, chest infections or lung congestion, intestinal discomfort (includin' worms), stomach cramps associated with delayed menstruation, consumption, cancer, nausea, wounds, poisons, swollen limbs due to poor circulation, dandruff, body odor, distemper, and postnasal drip. Today, the essential oils are sold online for all these purposes and more – even sunscreen! Not sayin' they work, but not sayin' they don't. Buyer beware!

Photo of creosote bush medicinal tea by Big Bend State Ranch volunteer Gary Norad (Public Domain)

3. Creosote bush oil might stop cancer!


NDGA (nordihydroguaiaretic acid) is an antioxidant that some studies have shown to slow or stop cancer growth. Tons a that shit in creosote bush oils! Other studies have shown NDGA to increase lifespan in mice and mosquitoes (like that's a good thing!). Yet other studies contradict, and scientists are concerned NDGA causes kidney damage. So stay tuned and don't start drinkin' the creosote bush Kool Aid yet.

4. Native Americans used creosote bush ash for tattoos.


Creosote bush's got lotsa other traditional uses, as you can imagine, from roof thatching to firewood. But here's the coolest in Vanholio's estimation: It burns down to a blue-green ash that was used as a colorbase for tattoo ink.

5. Creosote bush King Clone might be the oldest living thing on Earth.


Creosote bushes can clone themselves. Basically, a bush's inner stems die, and it's outer ones keep thriving. This starts an expandin' circle of clone bush, kinda like how ringworm does. It's called a "clone colony." The oldest one known is King Clone in the Mohave Desert in California. Ol' King Clone is estimated at 11,700 years old and has a 67 foot (20 meter) max diameter. If ya consider a bunch a clones the same as one original thing, then it's the oldest alive.

king clone, a ring of creosote bush ring colony
King Clone, the 11,700-year-old creosote bush ring in the Mojave Desert by Grant Klokeid (Public Domain)


6. It's found in all three major Southwestern US deserts.


Creosote bushes are a common shrub in the Mohave, Sonoran, and Chihuahuan desert. They're found in Nevada, Utah, California, Arizona, New Mexico, and Texas. Lots in Mexico, too.

7. Creosote bushes survive because they taste bad and go down hard.


Well, in truth they got other survival features, too. But tastin' bad helps keep the grazers away! All kinds a critters'll nibble, but they won't eat much. And when they do, the leaves cause a tummy ache and pass rough. Only one known creature can fully digest creosote bush leaves, and that's the creosote grasshopper, genus Astroma.

closeup of creosote bush flowers
How can somethin' so pretty taste so bad? Photo by Eric in SF (CC BY-SA 3.0)


8. Creosote lac bugs make great glue!


Even today, Native Americans'll gather up a bunch a creosote bush lac bugs, Tarcardiella larrea. They'll crush 'em and boil 'em down to get the reddish-brown lac. This lac has been used as a glue for all kindsa things: fixin' arrowheads ta shafts, fixin' broken pottery, sealin' stored jar lids … Hell, in recent times, it's even been used ta fix cracked engine blocks! It's like nature's Super Glue.

9. Tons a creosote bush is a sign a degraded range.


In the Chihuahuan desert at least, there was much less creosote bush and mesquite 100-150 years ago, and much more grass. Scientists think overgrazin' and fewer natural bush fires is the reason' the creosote bush and mesquite have taken over.

Desert range in southern New Mexico with lots and lots of creosote bush
Typical degraded range in southern New Mexico with lots and lots a creosote bush


10. Creosote bush is a newcomer to the US Southwest.


Scientists think creosote bushes started inta the Lower Colorado River area about 17,000 years ago. Then at the end of the last Ice Age, they started movin' up inta the Mojave Desert, then inta the Sonoran, arrivin' in the Chihuahuan Desert only about 4500 years ago.

Refs & Read Mores


Allison, C. D., & Ashcroft, N. (2011, November). New Mexico range plants. New Mexico State University College of Agricultural, Consumer and Environmental Sciences (ACES). Retrieved March 15, 2018, from http://aces.nmsu.edu/pubs/_circulars/CR374

Creosote. (2018, March 07). Wikipedia. Retrieved March 16, 2018, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Creosote

Curran, K. (n.d.). Creosote bush uses: medicinal and otherwise. EthnoHerbalist. Retrieved March 15, 2018, from http://www.ethnoherbalist.com/southern-california-native-plants-medicinal/creosote-bush-uses

Cutler, S. M. (n.d.). Biology/creosotebush vs. creosote grasshopper. Desert Diary. Retrieved March 16, 2018, from http://museum2.utep.edu/archive/biology/DDcreohopper.htm

King Clone. (2018, February 17). Wikipedia. Retrieved March 16, 2018, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/King_Clone

Larrea tridentata. (2018, February 28). Wikipedia.Retrieved March 16, 2018, from https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Larrea_tridentata

Little, W. J. (2012). A Sonoran Desert scrapbook: some desert plants of Kino Bay and vicinity [Google Books preview]. Indianapolis, IN: Dog Ear Publishing. Retrieved March 15, 2018, from https://books.google.com/books?id=zCpruKm8aWoC


This article was originally posted on my Steemit.com account.


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Last Update: 3/09/2018

Earning a Living as a Nomad with Steem

Header of Cahlen's blog on Steemit.com


By Cahlen — Today on The Wizard Life I will be sharing how I fund my nomadic adventures in the southwest deserts of the United States using the Steem cryptocurrency.

As many of you know, I quit my job as a Producer in the Video Game Industry a few months ago to live in my truck. While this lifestyle greatly reduces my expenses, there are still a few things I need to pay for (e.g. gas, food, mobile phone, etc.) so I do need a little income. I'm a Certified Human Potential Coach which provides some of that income, but at the moment most of what I need is actually provided by earning Steem through various social media platforms.


What Is Steem?


Steem is a Cryptocurrency similar to Bitcoin which also stores the textual information used to generate web pages and posts like this one (e.g. HTML, Markdown). This data is decentralized which means it is held on many computers all over the world, rather than on one server, which makes it resistant to censorship.

There is a lot to be known about Steem, but to put it most simply, it serves as the backbone of social media platforms which reward you with the Steem cryptocurrency for generating content which the community appreciates. Think of it like Facebook or YouTube where when someone 'Likes' your post you make money!

Let's take a look at some of the platforms built on top of the Steem Blockchain so far...

Facebook Alternatives


The first class of platforms built using Steem are what I think of as the Facebook alternatives in that they allow you to share Posts containing a wide array of content types (e.g. Text, Images, Videos, Music, etc.).

Steemit.com runs in a Web Browser and was the first major platform to appear, so people often confuse it for Steem itself. It's owned and maintained by the same folks who originally built the Steem Blockchain, which seems to add to the confusion. Here's a look at my Blog when viewed from Steemit:




Busy.org is an alternative which has a slightly different layout and some features you won't find on Steemit. While it got a later start than Steemit, it seems to be more actively maintained and updated so I suspect it will overtake Steemit in popularity in the future. Here's a look at the same Blog viewed via Busy:



eSteem is an Android and iOS App which does the same thing as Steemit and Busy. It has some pretty cool features you won't find on the other platforms, so I recommend checking it out if you prefer to use your mobile device. Here's a look at what the same Blog looks like on eSteem:



YouTube Alternatives

In a time where almost all video content comes from a single source who has demonstrated its willingness to silence those with whom it does not agree, decentralized video platforms like DTube and DLive are desperately needed. Echo chambers of opinion are exceedingly dangerous because they give their occupants the impression there are no dissenting opinions even though they might have been sympathetic to those contrary views.

DTube is a decentralized video hosting platform. It stores the actual video files on the InterPlanetary File System (IPFS) which is a decentralized alternative to HTTP. Once a video file is uploaded through DTube it cannot be taken down and can still be accessed even if the DTube website goes offline. It was created by @heimindanger and has come an incredibly long way in a very short amount of time, and I suspect it will come close to competing with YouTube in terms of its feature set very soon.

Here's a look at what my Steem profile looks like when viewed from DTube:



DLive is a platform which allows users to host live video feeds through the Steem Blockchain. Like DTube, it also has come a long way very quickly. I believe it is currently underutilized and is a potential gold mine for folks who know how to host high quality shows.

Here's a peek at the homepage:



As you can see, it's mostly streams of folks playing video games or music. Lots of room for improvement... get in while the gettins good!

Novel Platforms


Steem isn't limited to platforms which replace existing private services like Facebook and YouTube. Anything which involves rewarding users for generating content could work on the blockchain. One innovative platform which has taken Steem by storm is called Utopian-IO. It rewards users for contributing to Open Source projects.

Open Source means that you can read the code of the application you are using. This means you can make sure it's not doing anything you don't want it to, like sending your information to undesirable locations. It also means that you can duplicate the code and customize it to your needs! Open Source software is also free...

Open Source software has been historically supported out of the goodness of people's hearts who believe in the importance of transparency and accessibility. This limits its ability to compete with applications created by corporations because everyone's time is limited and everyone needs to earn a living. Utopian steps in to solve this problem by rewarding contributions to projects with very large upvotes.

There are lots of ways to contribute, and I focus primarily on reporting Bugs or functionality issues in the software. Here's a look at some of the bugs I've written and the rewards I've received for them:



You can also contribute by writing code, generating visual content, writing tutorials, translating text and more! This is where most of my income comes from. It's enough for me to live on in the United States, so just imagine how much this benefits people in less developed countries! It's hard to understate the potential for Utopian-IO to change the world for the better.

Other Platforms


There are new platforms built on the Steem Blockchain appearing all the time. There's an alternative to Instagram called Steepshot, an alternative to Twitter called Zappl, a SoundClound alternative called DSound... and more! It's certainly a very exciting time, and we're still early in the development of all of this.

How to Join


If you're interested in hopping aboard, you can create an account here:
https://signup.steemit.com/


Keep in mind that an account requires a small amount of Steem to exist and interact with the blockchain, and Steemit actually donates that to you when you create an account through them. For this reason, they need to verify you are a real person and that you haven't already made an account through them, so it can take several days before your new account becomes active.


This article is reposted from "The Wizard Life" by permission of Cahlen himself. He's a fulltime vandweller (OK, truckdweller), travelin' around the U.S. Southwest these days, among other impressive things. Check him out on Steemit.com, YouTube, Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and Minds.
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