Trippin’ around Washington State a week or two ago, Vanholio kept bumping into places Eric Jacobs covered on his Nomadic Fanatic YouTube channel. It was kinda badass!
See, when Vanholio was just a wannabe vandweller, planning and scheming to escape into van life, Nomadic Fanatic was my daily inspiration. Totally got a charge out of watching him, a regular guy – not some rich fucker – living a chill life on the cheap in beautiful places.
So as I was going through Mount Rainier National Park, I kept thinking “Rainier Beer,” Eric’s preferred brew. Stopped on the west side at Elbe Bar & Grill for a burger and washed it down with that light, delicious American adjunct lager, raising a toast in Mon Capitan’s honor.
Wynoochee Falls
Couple days later, I headed north on I-5 and U.S. 12, passing other places he’d talked: Olympia, Aberdeen, Tumwater Falls, Capitol Forest, Olympic National Forest.
But the place that pulled me in was his favorite (I think): Wynoochee Falls. Drove up there, walked the fucked-over campground, and took in the falls. Too bad it was overcast and in the low ‘50s. Would have liked a swim.
Found that pair of shoes by the falls (photo at top). Are those yours, Eric?
Thanks for all you do, Eric Jacobs, aka Nomadic Fanatic. Because of you, I Am Vanholio!, living in a van down by the river – the Wynoochee River.
Everyone's got an opinion on the first 2016 presidential debate between Hillary and Trump. Here's Vanholio's. Didn't actually see 'em, but I won't let that stop me!
No Way to Judge a Winner
First off, media and the folks around always ask, Who won? How the fuck do you rate that? There's no score-keeping system. There ain't even a standard of performance. Near as I can figure the goal is to see who can make the other one look like a bigger fool.
As far as Hillary and Trump go, Hillary's goal is to make Trump look out of control, thin-skinned, ignorant, and most important, weak. Trump's goal is to make Hillary look like a cold, calculating, DC bitch.
Those goals are doable, easy even. The trick is to pull it off while getting kidney punched yourself.
Point Is Getting Voters Out
So what was the result of last night? From what I hear, both got a bit of what they wanted. But will that change anyone's mind? Nope, no fucking chance. Besides a tiny bunch of fence sitters, most folks' minds are already set.
But what it might do is more important: Get your folks motivated to vote for real OR get the other folks to waffle and stay home. Votes win elections, not poll numbers. People get off their asses and vote either 'cause they worship their candidate or 'cause they believe the opponent is scary as shit.
Don't know how that's going to swing this far ahead. Will Hillary supporters fall deeper in love with her and/or froth at mouth to stop Trump? The opposite? Will Trump supporters do likewise? How will the voter turnout nudge November 2nd? Which team'll show up at the booths more?
Won't Make No Difference
Frankly, I don't give a fuck. With Hillary we get the usual DC nuthouse. With Trump, we get some new flavor of crazy. Either way, I don't see a nobody like Vanholio getting his views turned into law and action. The rich fucks will still be in charge.
Way I see it, this here USA is a country ruled by one party, the Billionaire Corporate Party. Democrats and Republicans are just it's two wings. Your choice is between Coke and Pepsi.
Voting is just a ra-ra high school game to make you feel like you're part of "the team." You're not. You're a bench-sittin' rube who buys overpriced tickets and hot dogs. Wearing the winning team's $100 jersey don't make you no kind of winner. It makes you a sucker.
What's the Solution?
You say, Oh wise Vanholio, what then shall we do? How shall we find justice and make a better world?
Fuck if I know. I ain't got a workable idea so much as I'm just pissed off. Not proud of it, but that's how it is.
Vanholio could move to another country. But I bet they're run by assholes too.
I can hear Matt Foley now: "Well, you're gonna be doing a lotta Facebook when you're living in a van down by the river!" Damn fucking straight, Matt! So how can I get back on the right track?
That's the question Vanholio's been asking hisself. He didn't take up vanlife to spend all goddamn day "meeming" on Facebook, by golly. It's a goddamn hall of mirrors. Yet I been doing waaaay too much a that shit. It's like fucking crack cocaine!
So here's what I done: I installed a URL-blocking extension in my Chrome, Block site. Then I added all the Facebook URLs to its prefs, plus all my other big time-waster sites (mostly news and titties).
Sure, I can undo all that at any time, but it'll make me stop and think. In fact, I may – might! – unplug Block site for, hell I don't know, an hour or so twice a week to keep up with folks. Can a crackhead moderate...?
Lookin' forward to getting back all that piss-gone time to:
I ain’t talking about munchin’ on your ganja, Mon (though you could). I’m talking about foraging and eating wild greens instead of expensive grocery store veggies. It’s the perfect thing for when you’re living in a van down by the river.
Why Wild Greens Are the Answer
Thing about van life is, vegetables can be a challenge. Money is tight. Storage space is tight. Prep is a pain in the ass. Cleanup is a pain in the ass. Plus most store-bought vegetables suck.
But ya’ll know eating your greens is good for you: vitamins, fiber, antioxidants, and phyto-what-the-fucks. Even if they taste like crap.
So what Vanholio does a lot of times is scrounge around for wild greens near my van camp. Shit, dandelions and clover are fuckin’ everywhere! And you don’t even need to eat much neither, ‘cause wild greens are packed with what your body needs.
Why just yesterday, I stuffed a big mug full of clover greens and blossoms. I tried to munch ‘em like a salad, but they were kind of tough and peppery. So I just wilted them down in my world famous peanut butter ramen, and I didn’t hardly notice them as I ate.
How to Find Edible Wild Greens – and Not Get Poisoned
There’s lots of edible wild greens you’ll recognize all over. At bottom are links and a video how-to.
But lots of plants is edible, even if they don’t go down easy. And your taster is a natural poison detector. Nibble just a tiny bit. General rule is: If it’s real, real bitter, or it burns or numbs your tongue and/or lips, don’t eat more. That’s your body saying it’s bad for you.
Here’s some other things to avoid if you don’t know the plant:
Milky or discolored sap
Spines, fine hairs, or thorns
Beans, bulbs, or seeds inside pods
Bitter or soapy taste
Dill, carrot, parsnip, or parsley-like foliage
“Almond” scent in the woody parts and leaves
Grain heads with pink, purplish, or black spurs
Three-leaved growth pattern
Now, some things you can eat do have the qualities above, but those are still helpful when you ain’t quite certain.
Final notion: Don’t pick greens right next to busy roads or where a lotta dogs been shittin’.
What About in Winter, Cities, and Deserts?
You can usually find edible wild greens just about everywhere, even in winter, even in parks, even in the dryest desert. But if you plain can’t, or it’s just too much trouble, here’s another idea for ya. Why not just eat dry herbs and teas? Ain’t tea a leafy green? Ain’t basil, thyme, parsley, and so on just greens? (Yeah, and your ganja, too.) You can find nutritional info on somma that shit online, and it's impressive!
When I don’t feel like foraging around, or buying and prepping store vegetables, I just grind up herbal or regular teas real fine and brew ‘em up. I’ll take in the fiber as I drink it. I do the same thing sometimes with seasoning herbs, just mixing them around in V8 and chugging.
Living in a van down by the river ain’t no excuse not to eat healthy. Even if you’re poor ass broke.
