Vanholio didn't write a Tuesday post ahead. And now, like all ya'll, he's on tenterhooks awaiting the election results. And tryin' damn hard not to get sucked down in the black tar of what ifs.
Maybe the best advice Vanholio's got for me and you is an old Chinese story I read somewhere long ago. Thanks to Ol' Google, I found it on some damn hippie website. Trust me, though, it's a goodun.
Who Knows? The Farmer's Son
One day in late summer, an old farmer was working in his field with his old sick horse. The farmer felt compassion for the horse and desired to lift its burden. So he left his horse loose to go the mountains and live out the rest of its life.
Soon after, neighbors from the nearby village visited, offering their condolences and said, "What a shame. Now your only horse is gone. How unfortunate you are!. You must be very sad. How will you live, work the land, and prosper?" The farmer replied: "Who knows? We shall see".
Two days later the old horse came back now rejuvenated after meandering in the mountainsides while eating the wild grasses. He came back with twelve new younger and healthy horses which followed the old horse into the corral.
Word got out in the village of the old farmer's good fortune and it wasn't long before people stopped by to congratulate the farmer on his good luck. "How fortunate you are!" they exclaimed. You must be very happy!" Again, the farmer softly said, "Who knows? We shall see."
At daybreak on the next morning, the farmer's only son set off to attempt to train the new wild horses, but the farmer's son was thrown to the ground and broke his leg. One by one villagers arrived during the day to bemoan the farmer's latest misfortune. "Oh, what a tragedy! Your son won't be able to help you farm with a broken leg. You'll have to do all the work yourself, How will you survive? You must be very sad". they said. Calmly going about his usual business the farmer answered, "Who knows? We shall see"
Several days later a war broke out. The Emperor's men arrived in the village demanding that young men come with them to be conscripted into the Emperor's army. As it happened the farmer's son was deemed unfit because of his broken leg. "What very good fortune you have!!" the villagers exclaimed as their own young sons were marched away. "You must be very happy." "Who knows? We shall see!", replied the old farmer as he headed off to work his field alone.
As time went on the broken leg healed but the son was left with a slight limp. Again the neighbors came to pay their condolences. "Oh what bad luck. Too bad for you"! But the old farmer simply replied; "Who knows? We shall see."
As it turned out the other young village boys had died in the war and the old farmer and his son were the only able bodied men capable of working the village lands. The old farmer became wealthy and was very generous to the villagers. They said: "Oh how fortunate we are, you must be very happy", to which the old farmer replied, "Who knows? We shall see!"
Every damn generation thinks it invented the cool shit. Van life ain’t no exception. Truth is that being nomad has always been part of the human adventure.
So far as we know, our earliest ancestors were hunter-gatherers, moving place to place after game and in-season plant food.
Even in the last few thousand years, “sedentism” was only one of the new options. You had your pastoralists, such as Mongols and Berbers, moving their domesticated herds to better forage. Later, you had your itinerant traders and laborers, “peripatetic nomads,” such as the Roma (Gypsies) moving from opportunity to opportunity.
And we still have all these groups today, even in the industrialized, centralized, rationalized, normalized USA and North America. Only these nomads tend to be individuals or families rather than a distinct culture: hobos, traveling salespeople, migrant farm workers, OTR truckers, travelling cowboys and sheepherders, OTR vandwellers. But there are exceptions, like the estimated 1 million Roma (Gypsies) living in the United States.
Worldwide, there are an estimated 30-40 million nomads today. But I can damn well guarantee you that’s undercounted for three reasons. First, they’re only counting traditional nomad cultures there, like your Mongols and Bedouins. Second, those folks don’t sit still to be counted. Third, Vanholio would argue that all people living a nomadic lifestyle are nomads. Me included.
Many working OTR vandwellers today are what you could call peripatetic nomads. They follow the seasons and work opportunities: north in summer to work as camp hosts, south in winter to work at an Amazon warehouse. That’s just one common example.
Mainstream US society tries to make something radical and perverse about having “no fixed address.” Bullshit! Abraham didn’t have no fixed address neither! And who did God prefer, the wandering Hebrews or those "civilized" Egyptians and Babylonians?
Rubber tramps are just a modern version of an old human lifeway. And we’re damn proud to embrace van life's freedom!
Van life ain’t roses all the time. Here’s a timeline of how three deliveries got fucked in one shitty Friday. Even though Vanholio did everything mostly right.
8:30 a.m. – Rerouting UPS Delivery
Vanholio’d ordered from Amazon.com for delivery to Silver City post office General Delivery. That was a gamble as the item was small. The post office don't normally accept UPS deliveries. But yes, it was coming UPS instead of USPS after all. Gotta hold of UPS customer service and request to pick up at the Silver City UPS Customer Center. Change approved. Good so far.
10:30 a.m. – Drive Into Silver City
Camp is about 40 minutes away. But it's a beautiful day, and everything's going my way ...
11:30 a.m. – Pickup Mail Bundle
Stop by the Silver City post office to pick up my forwarded mail bundle. It was sent by my Traveling Mailbox to General Delivery. Packet in and in my hand. Things are still going good. But not for long!
12:00 p.m. – Prescription Madness, Part 1
Doing laundry, I log onto Walmart.com to order two prescription refills, to be picked up at the Silver City Walmart. Prescription A can’t be done online because it requires a transfer. OK. Try to order Prescription B. Just as I’m clicking submit, the site changes my store to a Walmart in Texas I used recently. Fuckit.
I call the Walmart pharmacy customer service, asking, “B went to a Walmart in Texas, and A prescription is stuck a different Texas Walmart. How can I get them transferred?” Agent says, “Call both Texas Walmarts and ask them to hold the prescription. Then call the Silver City Walmart and ask them to transfer in both for refill.”
Vanholio makes his three fucking extra calls to Walmarts all over the goddamned place. Silver City assures me it’s OK, says come by in an hour to pick ‘em up. Fine.
2:00 p.m. – Mail Advice Written, Posted
Laundry done, I head to the Walmart parking lot to hang out for a bit, writing and posting “Pick Up Mail and Packages on the Road.” It tells you how things are supposed to work. Excellent advice, ‘cept it ain’t working for shit today. Can we say "irony"?
3:30 p.m. – Prescription Madness, Part 2
Head into Walmart pharmacy to pick up prescriptions. Clerk says there’s a problem, sends me to Drop Off counter. “Sir,” says Clerk 2, “Prescription A has no refills.” Vanholio says, “Yes, it does. I’ll get the bottle.”
Go out to car and bring back bottles for both prescriptions, A and B, just in case. Clerk 2 finally figures it out. Apparently, despite giving them the prescription numbers, whoever I talked to earlier tried to fill a different A prescription off a second Vanholio profile in the Walmart system. Why does Vanholio have two profiles? Why does he have two prescriptions for the same med? Fuck if anyone knows.
Clerk 2, “OK, it’s all sorted out and we have A and B in stock. Be ready in 15-20 minutes.” Good. Maybe shit is finally settled.
3:45 p.m. – In-Store Pickup Clusterfuck
Walk over to the store pickup counter. I’d ordered three items a week ago off Walmart.com for free in-store pickup. No one is at the counter. Several clerks ask me if I’ve been helped, but none of them can work the counter.
After 20 minutes of waiting and paging assistance, Trainee Manager finally shows up. "Sorry, Sir. They sent people home. Walmart!"
Only one of my three items is in. Was told earlier in the week that the other two items would be in, but they’re not. Maybe next week? No one knows.
4:10 p.m. – Prescription Madness, Part 3
Head back to the pharmacy. Prescriptions are ready, Clerk says. But at checkout, the price is way too low. What’s up? Clerk says, “Oh, Prescription B is only a four-day supply because we don’t have it all in. We’ll get you the rest by next week.” Fuck. Now I have to come back. It’s a 40 minute drive from camp. At least I’m not leaving the area for another week.
4:30 p.m. – UPS Customer Center Missing Package
Get to UPS Customer Center. Clerk Dude can’t find package anywhere. Go to van and get tracking number. He looks up on computer. “Oh, this was delivered to the post office.” Vanholio says, “What!? I got it routed here because the post office won’t accept a UPS delivery.” Clerk Dude says, “They did. Sometimes they accept our deliveries because blah, blah, blah ...”
4:40 p.m. – Post Office Can’t Find Package
Tell Post Office Clerk, “I have a package General Delivery.” She goes back. Digs around. Get’s another clerk chick to dig around. Comes back empty handed.
“It was signed for this morning. From UPS,” I say. “Oh,” she says, “Sometimes we get drop shipments from UPS. But they aren’t unpacked till the next morning.” So Vanholio’s Amazon.com package is buried in a pallette of UPS shit. “Come back tomorrow or Monday.”
Why the fuck did I even get out of bed Friday? Huh!? Stay down by the river, always. That’s Vanholio's new van life motto.
