Water’s at a premium in van life boondocking. That’s why Vanholio dry shaves in the field. Plus it beats playin' with water on a cold mornin'! But it ain’t harsh like it sounds. Let me tell ya how this works.
That's my van life secret to dry shavin' – aloe vera gel. You could use just about any kinda lotion, but I like the aloe vera. That's because it don't plug up the pores, ya can get it without scents, and it moisturizes and relieves scrapes. Oh, and it’s great to have around if you get sunburn or windburn.
2. Use a Single Blade Razor
The aloe vera gel, or whatever other lotion, goops up in the razor. And ya ain't got no runnin' hot water ta flush it out! Your fancy 4 and 5-blade razors're gonna be useless.
Good news is that single-blade disposable razors is cheap, ‘specially at Walmart! I like the BIC Sensitive Shaver 12 pack. Usually get 4 or so shaves per razor.
The aloe vera gel don't stick around too bad. You can wipe it off easy with a paper towel, napkin, towel, or dirty t-shirt. The cut hairs come off with the excess gel. And your face feels nice clean and soft afterwards.
4. Clean the Razor for Reuse
If the razor ain't shot, you'll wanna clean it up for reuse. I can usually wipe out the gel OK with a paper towel and a toothbrush. Sometimes I'll soak the blade in 1/4 C of water to soften the gel, if I've let it dry up.
Alternatives Van Life Shaving Methods?
Obviously, you can use an electric razor dry. And some vandwellers don't mind using a little bowl of water, whatever Vanholio says.
Another thing I do is just wait till I'm at a restroom. I done shaved in many a gas station, Walmart, and grocery store. I just use the hand soap for lotion. Don't feel self-conscious 'bout shavin’ at such places no more.
Lately, every asshole’s got a fuckin’ opinion on takin’ down Civil War statues. Specifically Confederate statues. Vanholio says take ‘em all down, Confederate AND Union. Here’s why …
It's my estimation that every man ever got a statue made of him was one kind of sommbitch or another. — Mal, Firefly
Vanholio says Mal called it right. Fuck all them generals and politicians. They didn’t do the dyin’ and bleedin’! They caused the war! They don’t deserve no fuckin’ statues of ‘em!
The Civil War Was a Leadership Fuckup
Accordin’ to the Civil War Trust, “Approximately 620,000 soldiers died from combat, accident, starvation, and disease during the Civil War.” That don’t even count the civilians dead or starvin’, or the horses, dogs, and other critters killed.
Why!? What was that fuckin’ war about? I know, I know — endin’ slavery, states rights, preservin’ the Union — take your pick. All worthy on paper, for both sides. But fact is, they shoulda worked all that out through talk, not murder.
And after all them dead, was it worth it!? Blacks got free, sorta. Until Jim Crow. Still an improvement, no doubt. (I sure as hell wouldn’t wanna be no chattel slave!) Overall, though, poor folk, the ones who did the bleedin’, Black and White, didn’t get no richer nor more powerful.
But the bigshot politicians and generals who pushed the whole fuckin’ thing stayed in charge mostly — on both sides. Some a them made fortunes!
Replace the Civil War Statues With Somethin’ Worthy
So here’s what Vanholio proposes: Take all them statues down, Northern and Southern. Yes, even Lincoln! And put them in a new DC museum, The National Museum of Will and Folly.
Then if towns need somethin’ in their places, how about this: A statue with two brothers, one Confederate and one Union, dead and embracing. The artist should make it unclear whether they’re huggin' or if they killed each other fightin’ hand-to-hand and died that way. And kneeling beside them is their mother, her hands coverin' her face in sorrow and shame.
That’s the only fuckin’ statue worthy of the Civil War. If God is just and loving, it’d be the only statue not an idolatrous abomination to Him. Unlike the shit worship of warmongerin', murderous sommbitches we got now. Might as well be statues of Cain!
Now, Vanholio loves van life. But if ya think it's about sexy yoga poses afront of your pimped out classic vanagon, think again. It ain't that way for most. Lots a nomads take up the life 'cause the system fucked them over. Worst stories is retirees who can't get by on Social Security. That shit just ain't fair!
Some a them same people love van life. I met 'em, an' they told me. Life gave 'em lemons, and they made some fuckin' sweet lemonade. But that don't change the fact that folks is gettin' lemons while the 1% is gettin' fatter'n prize hogs.
Click to buy at Amazon.com
Vanholio ain't read "Nomadland" yet. But van life blogger Alan Christensen at The Rolling Steel Tent has. Al has high praise for Bruder and her book.
From the beet fields of North Dakota to the National Forest campgrounds of California to Amazon’s CamperForce program in Texas, employers have discovered a new, low-cost labor pool, made up largely of transient older Americans. Finding that social security comes up short, often underwater on mortgages, these invisible casualties of the Great Recession have taken to the road by the tens of thousands in late-model RVs, travel trailers, and vans, forming a growing community of nomads: migrant laborers who call themselves “workampers.”
On frequently traveled routes between seasonal jobs, Jessica Bruder meets people from all walks of life: a former professor, a McDonald’s vice president, a minister, a college administrator, and a motorcycle cop, among many others―including her irrepressible protagonist, a onetime cocktail waitress, Home Depot clerk, and general contractor named Linda May.
In a secondhand vehicle she christens “Van Halen,” Bruder hits the road to get to know her subjects more intimately. Accompanying Linda May and others from campground toilet cleaning to warehouse product scanning to desert reunions, then moving on to the dangerous work of beet harvesting, Bruder tells a compelling, eye-opening tale of the dark underbelly of the American economy―one that foreshadows the precarious future that may await many more of us. At the same time, she celebrates the exceptional resilience and creativity of these quintessential Americans who have given up ordinary rootedness to survive. Like Linda May, who dreams of finding land on which to build her own sustainable “Earthship” home, they have not given up hope.
Ain't nothin' costs ya more than strugglin' to make a buck. Drains your wallet in a bunch a ways, too. Gotta ask yourself: Is your job worth it? Would van life be better?
Here's part a what I learned long time ago from "Your Money or Your Life" by Vicki Robin and Joe Dominguez. It totally change Vanholio's direction and got him into van life – eventually.
This here is part of one of the nine steps in the book. It'll get ya thinkin' ...
Real Wage = Gross Wage – Taxes – Work-Related Expenses
Most folks think their wage is what they earn. Well, maybe their wage after taxes. If they're real sophisticates, then they add in their fringe benefits. But that ain't enough. Ya gotta calculate in ALL the work-related expenses. Only then will ya get the real picture.
5 Work Expenses to Subtract From Your Wages
1. Showing Up and Suiting Up
For most jobs, ya got work clothes, commutin', lunches, trainin' (especially if college is involved!), dry cleanin' maybe, mobile phone service, and a host a things your expected to have. In some jobs ya got to keep up an image, and that makes it worse!
Ask yourself: Would I spend money on X, Y, and Z if I didn't have a job? For anything where the answer is "yes," subtract that expense from your wages.
2. Little Compensations
Hard work has whole lot a other tiny expenses. The harder I work, for example, the more I spend on eatin' out, coffee, beer, full-price books and movies, conveniences, and a whole lotta other services. 'Cause I deserve it!
But damn, them small luxuries can add up. And some a them ain't too good for ya in bunches, neither.
Subtract your "compensations," the ones you don't spend on when you're chill. They cuts outta your real wages.
3. Pay for Play
And of course, when you work hard, ya gotta play hard. Yep, need your downtime from all that killin' yourself for The Man.
Vacations cost big money. Hobbies and sports cost big money. All the fun that gets you away from your life costs big money. And it seems like ya got it to spend, too.
But don't forget to add it into the expenses of your job. Like the little compensations, it cuts into your real wages.
On the flip side, the more ya can make your life like a vacation, the less ya need to spend extra on all this stuff. Maybe that means workin' less. Or maybe that means makin' a livin' doin' what ya love or bein' where you love.
4. Escape Schemes
When your job sucks, you're lookin' for a way out. Often, you blow money on them schemes, too: risky stocks, lottery tickets, get-rich books, multilevel marketing programs, etc., etc.
If your gettin' soaked for dreamin', take that off your wages, too.
5. Poor Health
Lots a folks, 'specially if they're older, kiss The Man's ass for health insurance. But what's all that stress and humiliation costin' your body and mind?
Americans are drugged up on antidepressants, opiods, liquor, sleep pills, and all kinds a other shit 'cause work stress is fritzin' them out. Even things like cholesterol medication and such is sometimes 'cause folks don't got time to cook and eat right. And who has time to exercise?
If you're spendin' on medications and doctors and coaches 'cause your job keeps you wired up, stressed out, sittin' on your ass, and eatin' junk all the time, start subtractin' them costs from your wages, too.
Is Your Job Worth It? Can Ya Relate?
If ya done all that above, maybe it's got ya depressed. It gets worse. The second part is to divide your net profit into the total hours your job sucks up. That's your 40 hours plus commutin' plus doin' extra laundry plus drivin' to get your kids from the sitter plus all the other shit ya wouldn't do without that job.
So did ya start the math? Is your job lookin' like it pays pitiful? Does quittin' and movin' into a van look more attractive ... ? Comment below.
And check out "Your Money or Your Life." I promise: After the harsh steps, you'll start seein' the way out to financial freedom. No gimmicks. Just sensible progress.
