Last Update: 9/08/2017

Close That Vault Toilet Lid, Dammit!

typical forest service vault toilet
This is a Public Service Announcement: When you leave up seat in a vault toilet and open the door, you're doing the opposite of helpin'. Close them up! Here's why ...

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

See, your vault toilets – the kind ya find these days in U.S. Forest Service campgrounds, rec sites, etc. – is much more than your ol' stinky latrine. That's good to know, 'cause in van life, you're gonna be usin' these a bunch!

3 Ways Vault Toilets Stink Less


  1. The concrete vault (the shit pit) keeps out varmints. Plus bio-hazardous shit don't leach into the groundwater.
  2. The vent chimney uses passing breezes and the sun's heat ta vent the stink out up high'n away.
  3. The vault and chimney are screened off from flies (except for the shitter seat hole).


Now, all them three factors depend on you puttin' down the toilet seat when you're done. And closing the door helps too, plus keeps out the bigger varmints from makin' a mess in there.

If you even *think* that leavin' the seat up and openin' the door is gonna freshen things out, you're just plain wrong. You're invitin' more flies and suckin' that stink up into the throne room. Plus, you're an asshole.



Also See ...

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Last Update: 9/06/2017

Need 4WD for Van Life Backwoods Boondocking?

Old orange VW bus with huge suspension lift and offroad tires
Americans love big trucks and 4WD offroad rigs. But do you need all that shit just to camp off the dirt roads in public lands? Vanholio gives a qualified "no."

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Regular Vehicles Handle Most Dirt, Gravel Roads


For the last couple years, I been goin' all over the national forests and BLM lands in a Promaster City, a mini-cargo-van with street tires, front-wheel drive, and only 5.1 inches a clearance. That's the same clearance as a fuckin' Prius!

I'd say that with that low-slung van a mine, I been able to get into 80% or more a the places I wanted to go. No problem. #vanlife

That said, I gotta be careful and pick my way. Dirt and gravel forest roads are smooth for the most part. But in some places, usually on steep parts where they get washed out, they ain't. You can drive 15 miles back in smoothness, then come to a rough patch. That's when ya put your tires atop the rocks and straddle the gullies.

Offroad Tires and True Spare Help Van Life Bunches


Vanholio's only been stuck three times, once each in snow, mud, and sand. That last was 'cause he was a fuckin' idiot. He also caused some under-damage the first year, but experience has tempered him a bit. Ain't been fuckin' that up lately.

No, biggest problem I faced was punctured tires. In the last two years, I gone through 6-7 tires that couldn't be fixed. Either the gash was too big to patch, or the puncture was in the sidewall. Rough rocks'll do that! Expensive and a pain in the ass!

The Promaster City come with a Slime and pump kit, but now I got me a true spare. And next month, I'm gettin' a lift and offroad tires. The lift ain't high, 1.25 inch (though every bit helps), but the offroad tires'll be a longterm savings – money and hassles.

Tire traction mats and a somethin' ta dig with is probably a smart idea, too. Don't know that a winch is all that. Maybe a tow rope or strap, though. (See video and links at bottom for more tips.)

Exceptions to This Backroad Van Life Advice?


Sure! If ya wanna get up that other 20% a roads, or even go offroad, you'd be better off with high clearance an' a 4WD or AWD.

That don't need to be fancy none, though. Some's out there got old Astro AWD Astro vans with lifts and good tires. Also look at the Subaru Outback with AWD and 8.7 inches clearance! Or maybe a Ford F150 with camper top. (Thanks ihatemybike and Al Christensen for the Astro and Outback recommends!)

And if you're gonna frequent areas with a lot a mud and/or snow and ice, yeah, 4WD and more clearance is best. Plus that winch!



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Last Update: 9/01/2017

Lady Luck Favored Vanholio! This Week!

Top of New Mexico Lottery MegaMillions ticket
Can’t believe my good fortune last Tuesday! Nothin’ like this ever happened to ol’ Vanholio before. It was if Loki hisself kissed my unworthy ass!

This is a tale of shipments misdirected and redeemed. An all too frequent hassle in van life.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Vanholio’s been tryin’ out Soylent again. Generally, they deliver via FedEx Ground, which presents some challenges to a nomadic vandweller. What I tried to do was have it sent to me ℅ the FedEx Ship Center in Las Cruces, N.M., where I had some biz this week.

About 1 p.m. Tuesday afternoon, FedEx showed the package as out for delivery on a truck from Santa Teresa, N.M., a suburb of El Paso, Texas. But I stopped by the FedEx Ship Center in Las Cruces anyway, hopin’ it was bangin’ around the warehouse somewhere, waitin’ to get signed in.

It wasn’t. Worse, turns out that the Ship Centers won’t accept a FedEx Ground package at all ‘cause they don’t have a way for recipients to sign for delivery. Shit. Woman there said I’d probably have to pick it up in Santa Teresa next day. Goddamit!

First off, I wanted to get the hell out of hellish hot Las Cruces and up to the cool mountains. Second, I didn’t wanna drive down to Santa Teresa next day. It ain’t far, but stayin’ overnight, then drivin’ there and back’d be just a waste a my fuckin’ time. Which Vanholio got lots of, true, but he still cares how he spends it.

I left the FedEx Ship Center and pulled into the TA Travel Stop around the corner to gas up, pee, and get a drink. Whole time, I was consternatin’ on where to spend the night, whether to just leave the Soylent an’ let it go back to the company, etc., etc.

But as I were pullin’ outta the TA Travel Stop, I saw a FedEx Ground delivery truck headin’ down Motel Blvd. "Vanholio," I says to myself, "Whattya wanna bet this truck came from the Ship Center or is headin’ there in a bit? Whattya wanna bet it’s got your Soylent on board?"

So I followed that delivery truck up to some government buildin’, where it pulled up to the dock. Parked and walked up to the dock, waitin’ outside till the driver come back out.

"Say," I said, "This is gonna sound weird, but see, I don’t suppose you have my package …" And I quickly told him the whole sorted tale.

And wouldn’t ya know it, he knew just the package! Handed it to me, and I signed for it right there! Then got the hell outta Dodge up to them mountains ASAP! Damn! Even a blind hog gets an acorn once in awhile!

Now, what’s all this got ta do with the MegaMillions ticket in the photo? Well, I felt so lucky after gettin’ my package that I bought a lottery ticket. And guess what? Vanholio didn’t win shit. ‘Cause there ain’t really no such thing as luck.
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Last Update: 8/29/2017

Finding Purpose After the Bots Make You Redundant

Motomon android robot cooks up a burger and hash browns
AI and robots are comin' for at least half our jobs eventually. What will you do then? How will you find a reason to get up every day? What's gonna fill up your pride and keep ya outta the bottle?

Could be you'll be one of the high rollers with a job. But don't bet on it. What's your Plan B?

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Vanholio ain't got no answers, just somethin' I'm codgertatin' on.

Sure, I'm like many who think a Basic Income will be needed to move money from the bot owners to the rest. That'll keep ya in tortillas and peanut butter. But just existin' ain't enough. Just existin' don't make ya happy.

Now, some of ya'll say, "But Vanholio, new jobs we can't imagine will be created." Or, "Vanholio, this is pointless. There'll never be a Basic Income." Maybe you're right, but let's just go on as if …

Say you're in the 50%+ whose labor ain't needed no more to drive the market. Say there ain't really no jobs to retrain for or them jobs got 1,000 applicants for each slot?What then?

Maybe retirees, trust fund babies, and those on disability got the answers. Surely some a them find purpose, even though they can't or don't need to earn. Since forever, Moms've taken pride in raisin' good kids.

If you're religious, will you devote yourself to prayer and good works? If you're creative, will you find purpose in art or scientific study? Maybe you'll work on cleanin' up the environment, one piece a trash at a time? Maybe you'll start a business to earn the extras?

Maybe another thing that'll help is if more people in unpaid occupations join into groups for recognition. It could be kinda like in the military, where part a pride comes from medals and patches. Money ain't the only kinda recognition to boost someone up.

I don't know. This is really a kinda speculation. But the day's comin' fast. Best to not be caught with your pants down.

What's your ideas? What would you do?


This article was originally posted at Steemit.com.
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