Stuck on a Freezing New Year's Eve

Sommabitch! Got stuck in stream gravel in Del Rio, Texas. Why does this shit happen to me? Has Vanholio got some kinda perverted talent for offroad driving? Like the time got myself stuck on a sand dune.

The sad part is it weren't even exactly offroad driving. Well, it was, but just for a second.

It was about 7:30 pm on New Year's Eve. Vanholio was headin' west, close to Del Rio. He was tired. It was foggy-misty and cold as fuck. He decided to check out this fishin' park near Sycamore Creek off US 277 in Del Rio. (It's a site I'd never explored but had marked on Freecampsites.net some time ago.)

I pulled in and saw a few picnic tables. But the paved drive kept on under the overpass. Wanted to see if there was campsites on the other side.

Gravel just past where you see

But just under the bridge, it turned to gravel and started down to the crick. Figured I'd better turn around. So I went to turn around one a the pillars. The gravel started feelin' soft.

Just as that thought came inta mind, I was stuck. Just like that. Front wheels diggin' down inta the gravel. Fuck!

Tweren't nothin' for it! It was dark, below freezin', and wet. Snow and sleet was potential. So I went to bed, figured I'd pick up at daylight.

Well, long story short, couldn't dig myself out. Too loose. Called AAA. Bein' New Year's Day, took the boys 'bout 3 hours to get there. No complaints, though. They ended up winchin' me out by a sideways angle.

Cold day on Sycamore Creek

As I write this, Vanholio and Ms. Barkley are sittin' at Goodyear in Del Rio. The news ain't good. Alignment is out. Worse, the frame or somethin' is bent, and they can't do alignment till that's worked out!

How the fuck much is a second a poor decision gonna cost me! Godammit, fuck, fuck, fuck!!!

At least it's still driveable. I'll nurse her to Las Cruces, where Vanholio's got some business in a day or three. I'll find a body shop up there and do the deal.

Note to self: Don't drive when tired and/or at night and/or in poor visibility. Dumbass.

Also See ...

• Digging Myself Into a Hole – Literally
• Mud Bogging on Mesa de Cuba
• 7 Tools to Bring With You Before Getting Stuck in Sand, Snow, or Mud (Popular Mechanics)
• How to Get Your Car Unstuck from Mud or Sand (Budget Direct)

Read More »

Should You Start a Van Life YouTube, Instagram or Blog?

The short answer is "no." Actually, "Hell no!" But that's only if your main goal is makin' money. Like rock'n'roll or pro sports, few van life bloggers ever get the cabbage.

If you must do a van life blog, vlog, whatever, do it mainly for fun. Cause that's mostly all you'll likely get outta it.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Takes Skill, Time, and Sizzle to Make Van Life Blog Money

Those who do make cabbage usually have skills: photography, video editing, writing, etc. They usually also have something extra attractive about them, e.g. charm or a tight, delicious ass.

Oh, and they've also worked damn hard over a long time. There ain't no instant success on YouTube, Instagram, blogs, Twitter, Facebook, or any other social media. That includes writin' and sellin' books.

And if you mainly want attention and praise, that's scarce too. People got lotsa shit to look at online, and they don't give a crap about you. You ain't that special. Bein' ignored will become a way of life.

Here's the Hard Facts

• Why You Probably Won’t Get Rich & Famous on YouTube (MonetizePros)
• Can I Really Make a Living by Blogging? (LifeHacker)
• Instagram Stars With 50k to 200k Followers Can Make Thousands Per Post (Business Insider)

Vanholio! Is Typical Van Life Blog Case

I been doin' this blog a year and a half now. That's about 140 posts and thousands a hours work. That includes time on social media, webmasterin', readin', writin' guest blogs, throwin' together a little book, jackin' around with advertising and affiliate programs, and all kindsa other backend shit.

After all that, is Vanholio ridin' rich'n pretty? Hell no! I make maybe $20-30 a month off this blog! Woulda been smarter to work a minimum wage job.

Oh, and did I mention that Vanholio's got years experience as a pro marketing writer? (Wouldn't know it with some a the shit I post …)

But that's OK. I gots my priorities in order:

1. Have fun writin' 
2. Help and entertain readers
3. Make money

Course, writin' 'bout the UNSEXY parts a van life with sarcasm and a Texas drawl really really narrows my readership. Probably do better money-wise reviewin' smartphones or some shit. But that'd be boring as fuck.

Only Start a Van Life Blog for Love

So do your van life YouTube, Instagram, Twitter, blog, whatever if you MUST! Do it if it's comin' from your heart.

But if you're just lookin' for an easy way to make scratch, don't fuckin' bother. Unless you got skills, patience, and are ready to put in serious sweat.

Also See ...

• How to Make Money While Traveling in a Van – Part 1 (6 parts)
• #Vanlife, the Bohemian Social-Media Movement (New Yorker)
• Our New Yorker Magazine Response (Where's My Office Now)
• Meet the Pretentious Millennials Who Romanticize Living in Vans (New York Post)

Read More »

3 Ways to Survive a Vanlife Christmas

Well, what the fuck makes Christmas and all those other end-of-year holidays so goddamn merry anyway? Sometimes they ain’t. I know, I been there. For anyone, holidays can be stressful. If you live alone in a van down by the river? Can be that much worse.

But here’s Vanholio’s constructive ideas to get your head outta your ass. Try happy out. You’ll like it!

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

1. Do Something Fun by Yourself, for Yourself

No point sitting around like the Grinch, stewin’ in your own juices. Make merry on your lonesome.

Some years back, Vanholio got divorced. It was rough. Naturally.

First Father’s Day alone, away from the kids, the blackness was overtakin’ me. The swamp looked deep and cool, easy to just sink on into.

So I got off my ass and went for a loooong hike up a mountain ridge. Natural beauty, tons of exercise, the knowledge that I was a free man in nature. Did me good. Picked me right the hell up. Got me through the day. I even had some fun.

What would you like to do? Something you don’t normally get to. Go to a favorite place? Stay in a fancy hotel? Play a shit ton of video games? Give yourself that special present.

2. Elbow Your Way to the Table

Now, Vanholio’s normally a bit shy. He don’t just make friends everywhere. That’s by choice

But couple Thanksgivings ago, he was in Florida. I’ve got some friends in Florida, but they already had plans to be guests elsewhere.

It was forward of me, but I asked my friends if they could wangle an invitation to Thanksgiving where they was going. They agreed. They got it. I went.

Turns out the hostess had been a career Army nurse and totally got the need to find “family” wherever you can on the road. Never felt more welcome. Lovely people. One of my best Thanksgivings ever.

If you’re not near people to ask, go near people. Stay at an RV park. Bet most of them got something going on. Hell, I bet Slab City’s got a heck of a party planned!

3. Gather Your Own Posse

Don’t you think other vandwellers might be in the same spot? That they don’t got people nearby (or at all)?

Start a gathering! Don’t need anything fancy. A location and a potluck will do. Cheap RV Living folks are gatherin' early in and around Quartzite, AZ for the Rubber Tramp Rendezvous. Get into the Cheap RV Living Forum to see what's up. If you can’t hook up with them, do what they’re doing where you are! Ain’t hard.

Talk to folks on the other forums, too: /r/vandwellers, Squat the Planet, and Vandog Traveller. Plenty of van folk in the same position you are.

Also See …

• Considering Van Life? Take the Goddamn Plunge …
  
• 10 Things to Do if You’re Alone for the Holidays (PsychCentral)
  
• 30 Alternatives to a Dysfunctional Family Christmas (Jodie Gale)
  
• 35 Solo Travel Destinations for Christmas (Solo Traveler)

Read More »

'Eat Algae Nonfood' They Said. And I Did!

Check this shit out! The prototype non/food nonbar is our science fiction future today! It's compressed, flavored algae. Yes, algae! Damn good, too! But what does it taste like...?

Well, I can't rightly say! It's kinda like when you try a new tropical fruit. I mean, what the fuck does guava taste like? It don't taste like nothin' but guava.

?? #Vanlife question? Contact Vanholio! direct !!

Flavor meister Sean Raspet intentionally made it taste one of a kind. Here's how it's described on the non/food website, eatnonfood.com:

Starts out leafy and green. A clean floral and honey middle with hints of citrus and vanilla. Savory base with nutty and roasted nuances.

There ya go! Can't say it much better than that. But a friend sampled mine and compared it to eatin' raw cocoa, the kind that's an unsweetened paste. Which ain't nothin' like Hershey's.

If Vanholio's got one complaint, it's the texture. Too smooth. It kinda paints to your teeth. I'd like it more chewy or crunchy or somethin'.

BTW, had no digestive complaints from eatin' my nonbar. Was kinda worried 'bout that after Soylent dropped algae oil as an ingredient when some folks got the runs. But nope, did my body good.

Don't know if the nonbar'll catch on, but I kinda hope it does. It's perfect for vandwellers, backpackers, travelers, or anyone who wants a super-nutritious, high-protein food that packs small and light.

Cool, too, to see a product introducin' algae as food. 'Cause that's the future.

As Earth cooks and population rises, algae is gonna be on the menu. Along with a bunch a other new foods. Check out this video below on 10 foods we'll probably be eatin' in the future.

Also See ...

• Eat Your Weedies Boys and Girls!
• Eatin' Roadkill Rabbit – Yum, Yum!
• Algae Is the Superfood of the Future (Business Insider)
• Algae Basics: Benefits (All About Algae)

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