Last Update: 9/27/2016

Fuck the 2016 Presidential Debates

Vote!? Republicans and democrats are the same party: Billionaire Corporate Party
Everyone's got an opinion on the first 2016 presidential debate between Hillary and Trump. Here's Vanholio's. Didn't actually see 'em, but I won't let that stop me!

No Way to Judge a Winner


First off, media and the folks around always ask, Who won? How the fuck do you rate that? There's no score-keeping system. There ain't even a standard of performance. Near as I can figure the goal is to see who can make the other one look like a bigger fool.

As far as Hillary and Trump go, Hillary's goal is to make Trump look out of control, thin-skinned, ignorant, and most important, weak. Trump's goal is to make Hillary look like a cold, calculating, DC bitch. Those goals are doable, easy even. The trick is to pull it off while getting kidney punched yourself.

Point Is Getting Voters Out


So what was the result of last night? From what I hear, both got a bit of what they wanted. But will that change anyone's mind? Nope, no fucking chance. Besides a tiny bunch of fence sitters, most folks' minds are already set.

But what it might do is more important: Get your folks motivated to vote for real OR get the other folks to waffle and stay home. Votes win elections, not poll numbers. People get off their asses and vote either 'cause they worship their candidate or 'cause they believe the opponent is scary as shit.

Don't know how that's going to swing this far ahead. Will Hillary supporters fall deeper in love with her and/or froth at mouth to stop Trump? The opposite? Will Trump supporters do likewise? How will the voter turnout nudge November 2nd? Which team'll show up at the booths more?

Won't Make No Difference


Frankly, I don't give a fuck. With Hillary we get the usual DC nuthouse. With Trump, we get some new flavor of crazy. Either way, I don't see a nobody like Vanholio getting his views turned into law and action. The rich fucks will still be in charge.

Way I see it, this here USA is a country ruled by one party, the Billionaire Corporate Party. Democrats and Republicans are just it's two wings. Your choice is between Coke and Pepsi.

Voting is just a ra-ra high school game to make you feel like you're part of "the team." You're not. You're a bench-sittin' rube who buys overpriced tickets and hot dogs. Wearing the winning team's $100 jersey don't make you no kind of winner. It makes you a sucker.

What's the Solution?


You say, Oh wise Vanholio, what then shall we do? How shall we find justice and make a better world? Fuck if I know. I ain't got a workable idea so much as I'm just pissed off. Not proud of it, but that's how it is.

Vanholio could move to another country. But I bet they're run by assholes too.

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

Also See ...

Patriotism, Like Love, Is a Goddamn Mess
Save the World by Doing Less, or Nothing
The Need for U.S. Constitutional Reform (The Globalist)


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Last Update: 9/23/2016

Living #Vanlife Facebook Free!? WTF!?

Fuck Facebook. I'm going cold turkey living in a van down by the river. Vanholio.com
I can hear Matt Foley now: "Well, you're gonna be doing a lotta Facebook when you're living in a van down by the river!" Damn fucking straight, Matt! So how can I get back on the right track?

That's the question Vanholio's been asking hisself. He didn't take up vanlife to spend all goddamn day "meeming" on Facebook, by golly. It's a goddamn hall of mirrors. Yet I been doing waaaay too much a that shit. It's like fucking crack cocaine!

So here's what I done: I installed a URL-blocking extension in my Chrome, Block site. Then I added all the Facebook URLs to its prefs, plus all my other big time-waster sites (mostly news and titties).

Sure, I can undo all that at any time, but it'll make me stop and think. In fact, I may – might! – unplug Block site for, hell I don't know, an hour or so twice a week to keep up with folks. Can a crackhead moderate...?

Lookin' forward to getting back all that piss-gone time to:

  • Write
  • Hike
  • Look at shit
  • Drive around
  • Read actual books
  • Talk to people in person
  • Whittle
  • Forage
  • Fish and hunt
  • Take up with disreputable women ...

           ... ya know, all the stuff I became a vandweller to have more time to do.

But then, if you been around the block, you know better than to listen to a crackhead who swears he's gone straight.

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

Also See ...




PS: This post has been automatically reposted to Facebook by IFTTT.com. So there. :-P


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Last Update: 9/10/2016

Eat Your Weedies, Boys and Girls!

Unknown vandweller eats wild weeds direct by his van down by the river. Vanholio.com.
I ain’t talking about munchin’ on your ganja, Mon (though you could). I’m talking about foraging and eating wild greens instead of expensive grocery store veggies. It’s the perfect thing for when you’re living in a van down by the river.

Why Wild Greens Are the Answer


Thing about van life is, vegetables can be a challenge. Money is tight. Storage space is tight. Prep is a pain in the ass. Cleanup is a pain in the ass. Plus most store-bought vegetables suck.

But ya’ll know eating your greens is good for you: vitamins, fiber, antioxidants, and phyto-what-the-fucks. Even if they taste like crap.

So what Vanholio does a lot of times is scrounge around for wild greens near my van camp. Shit, dandelions and clover are fuckin’ everywhere! And you don’t even need to eat much neither, ‘cause wild greens are packed with what your body needs.

Why just yesterday, I stuffed a big mug full of clover greens and blossoms. I tried to munch ‘em like a salad, but they were kind of tough and peppery. So I just wilted them down in my world famous peanut butter ramen, and I didn’t hardly notice them as I ate.

How to Find Edible Wild Greens – and Not Get Poisoned


There’s lots of edible wild greens you’ll recognize all over. At bottom are links and a video how-to.

But lots of plants is edible, even if they don’t go down easy. And your taster is a natural poison detector. Nibble just a tiny bit. General rule is: If it’s real, real bitter, or it burns or numbs your tongue and/or lips, don’t eat more. That’s your body saying it’s bad for you.

Here’s some other things to avoid if you don’t know the plant:

  • Milky or discolored sap
  • Spines, fine hairs, or thorns
  • Beans, bulbs, or seeds inside pods
  • Bitter or soapy taste
  • Dill, carrot, parsnip, or parsley-like foliage
  • “Almond” scent in the woody parts and leaves
  • Grain heads with pink, purplish, or black spurs
  • Three-leaved growth pattern

Now, some things you can eat do have the qualities above, but those are still helpful when you ain’t quite certain.

Final notion: Don’t pick greens right next to busy roads or where a lotta dogs been shittin’.


What About in Winter, Cities, and Deserts?


You can usually find edible wild greens just about everywhere, even in winter, even in parks, even in the dryest desert. But if you plain can’t, or it’s just too much trouble, here’s another idea for ya. Why not just eat dry herbs and teas? Ain’t tea a leafy green? Ain’t basil, thyme, parsley, and so on just greens? (Yeah, and your ganja, too.) You can find nutritional info on somma that shit online, and it's impressive!

When I don’t feel like foraging around, or buying and prepping store vegetables, I just grind up herbal or regular teas real fine and brew ‘em up. I’ll take in the fiber as I drink it. I do the same thing sometimes with seasoning herbs, just mixing them around in V8 and chugging.

Living in a van down by the river ain’t no excuse not to eat healthy. Even if you’re poor ass broke.

Hey, Beer Vanholio! He works hard on this blog.

Also See …

Eat the Weeds and Other Things Too (eatttheweeds.com)
62 Edible Wild Plants That You Didn't Know You Can Eat (Basis Gear)
Surviving in the Wild: 19 Common Edible Plants (artofmanliness.com)
Eating Roadkill Rabbit Down by the River


Read More »

Last Update: 8/29/2016

How I Got REAL ID With No Fixed Address

Getting a REAL ID with no fixed address ain’t impossible … if you got a card or two up your sleeve. Photo by Stephen Deplo, CC by 2.0
REAL ID proofs of residency fuck with nomads who don’t have no address living in a van down by the river. How’s an otherwise law-abiding van lifer to supposed to get a driver’s license, registration, license plates, and Obamacare? Cheat a little, that’s how – like the big dick corporations. Let me tell how Vanholio done his in New Mexico.

Two Quick Disclaimers First

Just Vanholio’s Experience


This article ain’t the end all, be all of how to choose a state of residency and get a driver’s license, etc. This is just Vanholio’s experience and thinkin’ on the matter. Bob Wells at CheapRVLiving.com has got the whole how-to for ya, soup to nuts. (See links to his articles and videos at bottom.)

'Technically' Ain't Got REAL ID – Yet


Got my license in New Mexico, and it turns out the state's on extension to being fully REAL ID compliant. Mostly they’re working out how to handle illegal aliens and other non-citizen residents. But I did jump through all the same REAL ID proof of residency and citizenship hoops to get my license, registration, and tags. My license just don’t got the star on it. What I did should work for you in any state.


Establishing New Mexico Residency


All the Docs I Needed


As New Mexico interprets REAL ID, here’s what they require for proof citizenship and New Mexico residency:

  • Passport or birth certificate
  • W-2, pay stub, or Social Security card with your Social Security Number
  • Two different documents proving your address (see full list)

For my license, registration, plates, and title change, I also needed:


How I Produced the Proofs


As a US citizen and a decent record keeper, I have a passport, birth certificate, Social Security card, and my Texas van title. So that was covered. The tricky bit for nomads is getting the proofs of residency without a fixed address.

I decided the easiest of the required residency documents for me was a bank statement and auto insurance, especially since I needed the latter anyway. Here’s what I did.

  1. Picked out a New Mexico residential address. (If you’ve got a friend or family member in your chosen state who will let you use their address, that’s the easiest and best way of all.)

  2. Submitted a USPS request to forward my mail from the residential address to my private mailbox / mail forwarding service, Traveling Mailbox.

  3. Got auto insurance for the residential address online and printed out the proof.

  4. Changed my bank account address to the residence and printed out the next statement with New Mexico address. (I changed the address back later.)

  5. Took the auto insurance and bank statement printouts, plus my other docs, to the MVD office and did the paperwork, paid the fees, and got my title, registration, plates, and temporary license.

  6. About a month later, my permanent New Mexico driver’s license showed up in my Traveling Mailbox.

It’s some damn hoops to jump through, but it’s totally goddamn doable.

But Ain’t That Illegal?


Yes, but it ain’t immoral, IMHO. Being a nomadic vandweller ain’t illegal or wrong as such. The bureau-nazis and LEOs just have their systems set up in such a way as to criminalize not having a fixed address, a “domicile.” They wanna keep tabs on you. So I adapted to exercise my legal and moral right to live in a van down by the river. I look at it this way.

  • REAL ID is a national standard to keep foreign terrorists from getting an ID that gets them on planes and into secure facilities. I’m a US citizen and not a terrorist.

  • I’m as much a New Mexico resident as those fat cats incorporated in Delaware are Delawareans. Besides, I’ll be paying New Mexico taxes same as anyone and probably spending a good amount of time there, too.

  • The Boy Scout way would be to challenge the current residency laws and regulations in court to win a non-address alternative to get licenses, Obamacare, and the rest. Work within the system, they say. Fuck that. I ain’t got the time, money, or belly fire for that shit.

Why I ‘Moved’ to New Mexico


New Mexico is an unusual choice of residency for a nomad. Most folks either stick to their home states or go with Nevada, Florida, Texas, or South Dakota. Here’s Vanholio’s considerations ...

New Mexico Has Expanded Medicaid


This here tale is mostly about Obamacare. As a self-employed, pre-retirement fellow, Vanholio gets his medical insurance through Obamacare. The problem is that for everything but emergencies, most policies (including mine) only cover you in your home state.

As an OTR vandweller, that sucks donkey balls, particularly since Vanholio is a Texas boy. The Lone Star State is huge, out of the way, and blazing hot most of the year. Not only that, Texas bowed out of Expanded Medicaid. Since I live on a tiny budget, that leaves me paying almost $3,000 a year for high-deductible, basic insurance.

So I looked at the map. Being that I mostly wander around Texas and the Four Corners states, New Mexico is about the center of my range. Good place to have my doctors. Plus, New Mexico has Expanded Medicaid, so that’ll be $3,000 a year raise for me.

New Mexico Taxes and Insurance Cheaper Overall


Now, unlike Texas, New Mexico has state income tax. That ain’t none too fucking attractive. But I crunched the numbers at SmartAsset, and as little as I earn, New Mexico’s income tax burden is peanuts on me.

Plus I done made it up in other ways. My van registration is about half in New Mexico as in Texas. Plus I ain’t gotta pay for yearly exhaust inspections. And by comparing average car insurance rates by ZIP code, I cut my rates in half! I come out ahead on this thing all around.

Cover of "All the Whores I Knowed Before" a book by Vanholio! For sale on Amazon.com. Click through.

Also See …


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