Last Update: 3/30/2018

What if I Die Alone in the Van?



Common fear if ya do vanlife solo (or even as a couple) is what'll happen if ya die or get too sick ta help yourself. Valid worry. Shit happens! An' the older ya get, the more likely it becomes.

Here's how ta cover yourself in case ol' vanlife goes ta hell. (Most a this info is Android based, but iOS should have similar. Even some dumbphones do.)

1. Stay in Contact Daily


Vanholio uses the vanlife buddy system. Every night, he uses an app ta text his GPS location to his best buddy and medical POA.

Sendin' out my GPS coordinates via SMS has three advantages:

  1. It's the most current location ta find me.
  2. It works when cellular Internet don't work. All I need is the barest cell signal.
  3. It lets my buddy know that I'm conscious and OK at that moment.

If I know I'm goin' totally off-grid, I'll text my current location and a summary of my travel plans. Includin' when he can expect ta hear from me next!

2. Use Your Smartphone as a Tracker


What if you're unconscious or otherwise can't contact out? What if ya moved since your last text in? That's where some kinda phone-based trackin' system works.

Right now, Vanholio's sharin' his location ta some friends usin' Google Maps. It's automatic once set up, which is great.


The downside is it only saves the last location I was on the internet. In other words, it don't work for shit if when your totally offgrid. But at least it gives searchers a startin' point.

Even better would be some kinda app that lets your buddies or family get your GPS coordinates via an SMS message, independent of Internet access.. That'll work as long as your phone is on and has the barest cell signal. There's a few apps out there.

3. Have Affairs in Order


It's damn smart ta have an Advance Directive, Last Will and Testament, and all that other shit ready ta go. 

Truly, Vanholio don't care much about whatever pathetic assets left when he bites it. Ain't my fuckin' problem. But I sure as hell care about my dog! And myself if I'm hard up but not quite dead.

The Advance Directive, gives instructions ta the doctors on how much I want done and what I think is bullshit. No fuckin' way I wanna be kept as a vegetable!


My best buddy is my Medical Power of Attorney (POA). He knows how I feel about things and'll see it done ta the best of his ability. I also got a regular POA ta handle the bills while I'm down.

Finally, I got a Pet Care Agreement and some money set aside 'specially for my dog. It's an agreement a who gets Ms. Barkley if I go. Has some backup folks, too. I'd hate ta think she'd die heartbroken and alone in a shelter. That shouldn't happen.

Now, ya might think plannin' all that stuff is gruesome. But it gives Vanholio peace a mind. Truly.

4. Keep Easy-to-Find ICE Info


Say LEOs or other first responders find you out or dead? Make sure they know what ta do. Vanholio's got printed and digital instructions for ICE (In Case of Emergency).

On my phone, I got an ICE app that does three things:

  1. It has my emergency contacts, includin' doctors, family, and POAs.
  2. It has my medical info, such as meds, allergies, and conditions.
  3. It has an emergency button I can press ta automessage my best buddy/medical POA, plus his wife.

But wait, there's more! Vanholio printed two laminated cards, one for his wallet and one mounted on the driver's shade in the van. It's got my meds, insurance info, allergies, where ta locate the Advance Directive, etc. in the van and online, and my emergency contacts.

Friend a mine is a hospital nurse. Says they get in single people all the time, especially middle aged men, with no info about who they are, what medical conditions they have, who ta contact, or nothin'. Makes their jobs damn hard. And maybe they don't guess right what the unconscious patient wants. Don't be that guy.

5. Get a Satellite Locator


Actually, I ain't got this yet. They're kinda pricey. But if you're type a vanlife takes ya outta cell range, look at a personal locator beacon or satellite messenger. Both work off satellite, so ya just need sky where you're at.



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Last Update: 3/27/2018

How I Became Homeless (and How You Can, Too!)

Wolfgang Pony Soldier, a conversion van
By WolfgangPonySoldier Blogger — Listen- this is a true story.

I turned 30 years old in a compound on lock-down surrounded by Cubans with guns. How did I get here, you may ask?

The summer preceding my 30's, I went a little crazy. I began dating my best friend. I sold all of my Ethereum (144, worth about $15 each at the time) and bought a van. We broke our lease on our apartment and set up a job for the fall trimming Marijuana (one of the still illegal farms that pay under the table)- All of this with the grandiose plan to travel across the country in search of.... something.

(PS: We named our van Wolfgang Pony Soldier)

We set off from Portland, Or. with $5k each, paid in cash. We hiked to waterfalls in misty Olympia, Wa. We camped on a beach in the redwoods where the giant old-growth trees backed up to the ocean. A friend lent us his apartment in Oakland where taxidermy animals stared at us from the walls. We slept next to Echo Park in our van, listening to the strange sounds of LA night. We slept on the streets of New Mexico for a month. And what did I learn?

That Jack Kerouac was full of shit.

Travelling is hard. It's fucking hard, especially in the modern age. When you're down to $20 in your bank account and you have to choose between paying your phone bill, buying food, or having a good night curled up with some beer, you might wish you still just had that comfy job and apartment back home. You miss the conversation of old friends. You miss taking a shower and pissing in a toilet (little tip: piss in an old laundry detergent bottle- it won't smell). You miss a front door that locks, instead of whispering in a van trying not to get caught.

Gal cooking on an camp stove

Something else I've learned- People aren't as shitty as you might think.

In every city we've been to, someone has lent us a shower. Friends of friends have given up their bed so we could sleep comfortably. New friends have given us art, old friends have bought us food. There is generosity hidden in the most disgusting parks in the largest cities. And best off- nobody has stolen our shit (yet).

Remembering back to the months I spent in a chair snipping the tiny hairs from green nugs, with AK47s and 1911s on the table behind me, always to my back, I have to say- this is so much better than having a stable job.

So, fuck it. Quit. What are you, scared?

I lived off $100 for the past month. Not because I wanted to, but because when you're up against the gun, you do what you need to. You can make it work. Go on vacation. Sell your house. Get out and meet some fucking people. I've heard of people in their 30's with no friends. Do you think maybe it's because you're spending too much time concerned with a computer? Not enough time actually out in the world? When you are forced out of your element, you adapt.

I'll be posting more stories and photos from our trip. Follow me, or go do something crazy.

Conversion van on side of road in woods



Started reading this #vanlife blogger on Steemit.com. Authentic voice. This manifesto was originally posted on his Steemit blog, WolfgangPonySoldier. Check it out!


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Last Update: 3/23/2018

EarthCruiser Is Vanlife Rig I'd Buy (When I Win Lottery!)

EarthCruiser EXP handling crazy offroad conditions

Vanholio hates the question, What conversion van or RV should I buy? Don't matter for vanlife or RV life, and I don't care. Most brands are crap. But EarthCruiser models are the exception.

If I ever win the lottery or otherwise find myself where money ain't no object, I might well get an Earthcruiser. Definitely top a the list!

EarthCruiser Quality Rocks


They got several models of two basic types: A full-on Mitsubishi Fuso conversion and truck campers for medium and large pickups. Lots ta admire in both types:

EarthCruiser GZL truck camper on pickup
EarthCruiser GZL
  • No fancy bullshit and sensible layout.
  • One-piece fiberglass shell:
    • Durable
    • Flexible under offroad stress
    • Easy ta clean
    • Insulated without air gaps.
    • No particle board shit or wood screws.
  • Solid, high-end yacht components.

EarthCruisers Ain't Cheap!


Prices ain't on the Earthcruiser.com website. Never a good sign.

TheDrive.com says the EXP – the top Fuso conversion – goes for over a quarter mil (~ $265,000 US). I can believe it!

Offgrid.com says the GZL truck camper starts at $36,000. Not bad, but beyond my current means.

Video Tour of EarthCruisers


Mostly shows the EXP. But the GZL truck camper starts at minute 9:50.


GZL Truck Camper My Likely Choice


Not sure which EarthCruiser I'd go for. The EXP and FX Mitsubishi Fuso conversions are clearly the most badass. Great for worldwide overland travel. But the GZL truck campers got their pluses.

Honestly, I'd probably go for the EarthCruiser GZL truck camper 'cause it's just big enough for what I need.

Plus I could upgrade trucks without startin' over. The Scrooge McDuck version of Vanholio'll get a 100% electric Tesla pickup, if Elon Musk ever gets his shit together on this. Or maybe a hydrogen fuel cell pickup, if such hits the market. Sky's the limit!
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Last Update: 3/20/2018

Don’t Let Dirty Laundry Stink Up the Van

dead woman buried under dirty laundry

Living in a van down by the river ain’t no damn reason to let your van smell like stink-butt. Vanholio’s got a trick to hold that ass smell to a minimum.

How to Store Dirty Laundry in Vans


Problem – Laundry Bags Waste Space, Smell


See, Vanholio’s got a tiny van. So as my laundry built, I had this huge bag a dirty clothes in my way. That was one problem. The other was it was stinkin’ up the place. Then I figured out how to kill two birds with one stone.

Solution – Waterproof Pillow Cases Do Double Duty


It’s so simple, I’m amazed some vandweller ain’t come up with it already. I done bought myself some waterproof, bug-proof, hypoallergenic pillowcases. The particular pillowcases are terry-cloth-like on the outside, water-tight, and close with a zip. No stank escapes.

Vanholio uses the clothes-filled sacks like pillows. They ain’t squishy, but they’re good to prop up my feet, put under a soft pillow, or lay by my side for extra insulation. Instead of being in the way, my dirty laundry’s multi-use – essential in vanlife.

When I do laundry every few weeks, I just wash the pillowcases with the rest. They hold up to hot water and the dryer.

Advice – Air Dry Dirties Before Stuffing


Before you sack up your smelly underwear and other clothes in the pillowcases, hang them up to air dry for a day or so. With less moisture, you'll avoid that gym bag mildew rot smell.


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